No Going Back
by richiesan
Summary: Its been ten years. Ten greuling years since the death of Patrick Star. Murder. Spongebob's life is dull and mundane without his best friend, and the case has gone ice cold in a crime ridden Bikini Bottom. Spongebob had just about given up hope for justice when new evidence is found...can Spongebob find Patrick's killer before fate takes its bitter course?
1. New Beginnings

Chapter 1: New Beginnings

There was always fire in his eyes. A fire that could never be quenched. Then he found his poison. Spongebob Squarepants was but a simple man when he first started his work at the Krusty Krab, but all things change. Especially fish.

Spongebob originally started the fire when he went to that place for the first time. The Clam Casino. The concept of gambling was always something farfetched in his mind, and never really understood why people would throw away their money like that. He eventually learned it was a drug.

"Another round, please!" Spongebob shouts drunkenly at the clerk. The clerk looks at him, uncomfortably.

. "You've gone way over your limit, buddy. I think it's time you called it a night." He responds

"I'll tell you when I've had enough!" Spongebob says so forcefully bubbles flow from his mouth and pop in the clerk's face.

"That's it, you're outta here! Security!" The strong fish guards come and lift Spongebob up.

Spongebob wandered on the road alone, and drunk as all hell. He couldn't have driven even if he wanted to, he was such a failure. He hated the walks home from The Clam, he hated being alone with his thoughts. The only driving force in his life was his beloved snail.

Spongebob knocked on his door drunkenly, he had forgot his keys- again. Gary was taking a surprisingly long time to open up he pondered. After an hour passed of him lying on the ground waiting, he decided to break into his own house.

Spongebob stumbled to the left side of his house, clenching the window. He looked around for something to break the glass, he could always call a repairman. What was another fee under the mountains of debt anyway?

Spongebob turns and sees just the thing he could use to break his window. Squidward's house was made of solid rock. If he could just break a piece off...

Spongebob climbs on the side and begins to pull on the house. It wouldn't budge. Spongebob remembers the jackhammer that he had once stored in his basement. Spongebob opens the basement doors and its clear that it hasn't been cleaned in ages. Not since what happened to him, and his friend. There was another door in the basement that lead to the house, which was unlocked, but Spongebob did not remember since he was still in a drunken stupor.

Plugging in the jackhammer, he angles it into the side of Squidward's house. The vibrations rock Squidward's house, shattering the windows and breaking pieces of rock off his house.

Once a sizeable piece of wonderful masonry comes off his house, Spongebob collects his loot. Arms tired, Spongebob uses the last of his strength to throw the rock at his bedroom window. Spongebob was always thinking of the future, and knew that he would want to be in his bedroom right away. The window submits under the rock without any trouble. He could have sworn he heard a shout under the shattering of the window. Despite this he begins the ascension of the pineapple.

"Hey! What the fuck are you doing?" Shouts Squidward. Spongebob's pace quickens at the realization of who was talking. His neighbor Squidward. "I'm calling the cops, you fuckwit!" Without a moment's hesitation, he hurls himself through the window but gets stuck. His square body was stuck in the circle window.

Spongebob lay helpless stuck inside the window.

"Well well well, what do we have here?" Spongebob heard a voice behind him, but he couldn't turn to see who.

"Looks like you're in a pickle, just like your friend huh?" Spongebob felt flooded with anger, who was harassing him?

"If I wasn't so fl-*hic*pping drunk I would punch your eyes out-" Spongebob swings his fist on the insides of his house, completely missing the figure behind him.

"You need to back off kid, because you're next." He heard footsteps quicken and sirens blare.

The cops unpopped him from the window, but there was no one else there. Must be a prank, a sickening one at that, he thought. The cops quizzed him with questions, convinced he was a common thief. By the end of the whole debacle, Spongebob waited with his cell, charged with public intoxication.

"Spongebob Squarepants?" A cop retorted.

"Yes?" Spongebob had felt extremely hung over, his headache swarmed his head.

"You've been released with bail" The guard opened the gate, and the loud noise made Spongebob flinch. Gary the snail appeared before him.

"Meow" (An other drunk night at The Clam?) Gary said, unamused.

"You got me" Spongebob stood up and his vision blurred, it was too damn bright in here. "Just where were you last night? I lost my keys and I couldn't get in." Spongebob yelled at Gary like a child.

"Meow" (None of your business, DAD, I can do whatever I want) Gary slithered in front of him, not meeting his gaze.

"Fuckin' kids…" Was all Spongebob could say to himself. What a night that was. Spongebob gets in the boat with Gary, who had managed to receive his boating license before him. The boat was silent at first, and heavy at that. Too heavy to keep.

"You know why last night was so bad?" Spongebob breaks the silence.

"I already know. You don't have to say it." Spongebob's head was heavy on his shoulders. His brain was a cocktail of problems ever since the most important person in the world had been taken away from him.

"Last night, was the tenth anniversary of Patrick's death." The boat was silent again.

Ten years ago, Spongebob and Patrick were running through the city, giggling over their silly antics. Running through the alleyway, they smash into a silhouetted man. He let out a cry and turned to Spongebob and Patrick. The shout from the alleyway is heard and another fish across the road started to run, screaming through the city's streets.

"He got away." Says the man. He puts on a fedora. "That is quite the punishable act, you know." He says. The unknown man draws a knife and slashes at Spongebob.

"Oh no!" He says. Half of his nose was cut off in the debacle, which never grew back.

"You're dead, kid!" He shouts. He slashes at Spongebob again, who jumps back.

"Stay away from my friend!" Says Patrick. The man ignores Patrick's pleas and attacks Spongebob again and Spongebob clenches his eyes

His life flashed before him. Everything from being born, to joining the Krusty Krab, and everything in between with Patrick. But the knife would never land on Spongebob.


	2. No More F-U-N

Chapter 2: No more F-U-N

His eyes, flying open, take in where the knife really landed. In Patrick's chest. The rest fell from Spongebob's head as he is jolted back to the present as they arrive back at Spongebob's pineapple.

It was half past 2 in the morning and spongebob was still awake, drunk again. At least he was home drunk he thought, home drunk is better than public drunk. He was slouched in his chair as the TV provided the only source of light.

A fish danced on the screen. "And the winning numbers are-" The screen cut to a female fish in a skimpy bra, spongebob adjusted his pants just as the numbers flashed on the screen. "2… 1….2….4….3" Spongebob stood with his mouth agape, so far so good. A single bead of sweat pooled down his porous face. "7…. 7…. 6!" The femfish danced upon the screen and Spongebob fell to the floor.

Nope. Lost again. Spongebob reached for his booze but felt the overwhelming desire to sleep. Just as he shut his eyes he saw Gary sneak down the steps in provocative clothing. "Gary… the snail" Spongebob struggled to stand, but managed.

"Meow…" (Oh I thought you'd be drunk and passed out by now) Gary rolled his eyes and hurried down the steps.

"And where do you think you're going this late?" Spongebob muttered.

"Meow" (Out.) Gary opened the front door as honking blared through the pineapple.

"Oh no you *hic* don't you're underage" Spongebob tried to walk forward but his feet got all shuffled and he fell over. "Forgot to *hic* tie my shoelaces again" As he lay on the ground he attempted to tie his shoes, but to no avail.

Gary left in the middle of his charade, and got into the truck with a teenage fish with tattoos. Spongebob fell asleep shortly after.

Spongebob pulled out a cigarette and lit the end of it. He wore a cashmere robe, and sported an icepack on his head. He gathered his mail, retrieving an ample amount of letters and bill notices. He sorts through them, pulling out one labeled mom, and threw away the rest.

Spongebob opened the letter but didn't read it, he took a crisp $20 bill from the letter, and threw it in the trash with the rest of his bills.

Spongebob jogged to the Krusty Krab, his usual routine. Jogging is what kept Spongebob going, he wasn't going sweat not getting his licence when he has the opportunity to get some fresh air. Spongebob could feel the monday dread heavy on his shoulders, but he was trying to make the best of it. He wore sunglasses to work that day, hoping no one would notice his beat red eyes. Spongebob reached the busy intersection of The Krusty Krab. Time had ruined the town of Bikini Bottom.

The roads were paved with fast food restaurants and billboard ads. Bikini Bottom was no longer the quaint town it used to be, it was full of young kids and fast cars. The corner of The Krusty Krab was more of a historical setting, as it paved the way for future cheap food. Spongebob was no longer the sole employee, Krabs found it more economical to outsource help from outside the city for almost free. Instead of making the patties completely alone, he was assigned to only working the grill. He used to feel attached to this place, because he was able to put love in every patty, but now they're all processed and premade.

He opened the doors to the almost desolate place, and took his hat from the rack.

The scent and taste of the old world he knew was gone. The tables that weren't empty had people smoking and doing unspeakable things. Drugs were no stranger to the town that was Bikini Bottom. Mr Krabs' money addiction those years ago finally made sense after so long. He had been feeding a heroin addiction.

This same addiction was the thing that drove the Krusty Krab into the ground to start with. Five years ago, a child had sat on one of Mr. Krabs' needles and eventually died when he was rushed to the hospital. The restaurant was closed for a while by the board of health and reopened, but removing a taint like that from a restaurant was just not possible.

"You're late." Says a raspy voice that came from the carcass of Mr Krabs.

"Yeah, I know. Can't a guy live?" Demands Spongebob.

Before a reply can even be formulated, the doors open. Sandy Cheeks walks in. She still had the glass bowl over her head but her suit was now black instead of white. She wore a choker and had winged eyeliner. Further down, she had a pair of thick, gigantic boots that made a thud with every step she took. Spongebob had seen her use it as a weapon once. Once. She crushed the skull of another fish like it was nothing with those boots. No one really knows what facilitated this change in Sandy, but all she could say was that it was for the aesthetic.

The thuds of her boots scraped across the decaying wood floor, making the entire restaurant stare at her. Everyone always looked at her, and she loved it. She sly smirk on her face showed it.

Spongebob's lip quivered at the abusive words of Squidward. Squidward barked "Double Cheese Krabby Patty, extra mayo." Squidward paid no attention to Spongebob's subservient agreement. Spongebob and Squidward haven't spoken since the night before Christmas, last year. They drunkenly kissed, but Squidward made it very clear to Spongebob he was nothing more than a colleague.

Spongebob felt the grease pop on his unclothed forearm. He loved the pain. Ssssssss. He felt like a mindless drone, pumping out these little… turds. He glanced over at the giant mechanical machine to his right, which replaced his old condiment table. Smoke filled the upper half of the room, Krabs was too cheap to install ventilation. He heard a knock on the door just as another drop of grease sizzled on his hand. He walked over to the door, which is to be locked at all times, since… the incident.

No not Patrick's. Back before Patrick's death, there was a break in by the one and only Sheldon James Plankton stole the formula, and made a woman out of Pearl (consensually). Spongebob shook his head, he couldn't recap this now, someone was at the door.

Sandy peaked her head into Spongebob's kitchen. "Sorry to bother you uh- Spongebob. Do you mind if I come in? I want to talk to you in private" Uncharacteristically she glanced around nervously. Spongebob unhinged the many latches barricading the door. "Something's burning" Sandy said, as she shut the door behind her. Spongebob rushed to the stove and quickly flipped a series of patties, and deposited them into the machine's mouth.

Squidward barked another order in Spongebob's direction, they no longer had their orders written down, because the divider between them was 4" thick bulletproof glass. Spongebob got a few more patties ready and moved towards Sandy. "What do you need?" Spongebob looked at her quizzically

"I really need some money." She pleads quietly. Spongebob shifts his weight towards Sandy, frowning at her.

"Do I look like I have any fuckin' money?" He growls. Surely if he had any savings, he would have been long, long gone.

"Listen Spongebob, they're serious this time. They're gonna kill me if I don't do something! I sold everything. I lost everything. I don't have anything left to give!" Her voice broke at the last word.

"I told you, I don't have anything either. Now go away." Spongebob turns back to his grill, and continues to flip the patties. Sandy grimaced as she walked out of the Krusty Krab.

The rest of the day dragged on like usual. Flipping patties, annoying customers, it was like the same day was replayed over and over to Spongebob. No variations in the routine. It sickened him. What happened to the F-U-N?. There hasn't been any since Patrick was taken.

The nights were the worst. Spongebob would suffer dry heaves throughout the night until the sun would rise, causing him to get no sleep. Eventually his eyes sunk in further, and the bags under them became more pronounced. He looked truly sick.

3AM hit. It was usually when things got the worst for him. Straining his throat through the heaving, he heard the faintest sound of sirens, coming closer to him. The sirens eventually got closer, splitting his head in the noise.

"Wonder what could be going on…" Spongebob trails off as he puts his head back in the toilet.


	3. No Sanctuary

Chapter 3: No Sanctuary.

4PM- Previous day. Sandy exits Spongebob's kitchen with haste, Squidward snorts in her direction. "Lover boy isn't in the mood" Squidward made a laugh that would be unrecognizable to some breeds of dogs. Sandy gave Squidward the finger, revealing a christ tattoo coiled around her hand. She stormed off and exited the doors of the Krusty Krab, not before she ran into an old friend.

"Why isn't it Sandy Cheeks?" A man in an alligator green suit, and a white fedora gave her a loving smile. Sandy recognized him, and instantly her heart dropped. He wrapped his arm around her, giving her a side hug. "Come with me, so this will be easy." He concealed a gun in his heavy overcoat. Her ushered her to the black limousin, she stepped inside, knowing her fate if she refused or fought back.

Inside the limo a fish with fake teeth and a greasy face looked at her with contempt. "Where's my money Ms. Cheeks?" He was sipping some kind of alcoholic, and she could feel the motor start beneath her.

"I'll get it, I have it. I will give it to you- uh- tonight" Sandy was lying of course. She looked around shiftily, to both her sides were large fish in similar garb, wielding large guns. The fish across from her was wrapped in jewels, poking into his fat stomach.

The fish chuckled. "You are one terrible liar." He said. He smirks at Sandy and pistol whips her.

10PM- Sandy Cheeks wakes up, her head killing her. The fish who attacked her were sitting there, waiting for her to wake up.

"Well, morning sleepyhead!" Says the white fedora'd fish. Sandy never got to learn their names, however none of them looked like anyone she ever knew. Sandy said nothing.

"You don't need to tell us anymore lies. Your time is up." Sandy flinches as he steps towards her. She looks around, avoiding eye contact as he got even closer to her. They were in her _house_ her _dome.._ She whimpers at the realization, but everyone else around her just looked fascinated with her.

"You will meet a watery grave in here, squirrel." He laughs maniacally. So, this was it. Her time had finally come. The pleas of help were useless, no matter what she did. Spongebob never offered to help her. The thing was, he probably would have had the money to help her had he not gambled away his paycheck every friday night. All she needed was a little money from the loan sharks, she was desperate in paying for an invention she was working on. Funding was originally cut after an accident, but people still keep their passions. Even though the accident was covered up, the institution never forgets.

Caught in her mind, she didn't notice the fish leave. All she heard was a faint gunshot, and the cracking of glass. Sandy's stomach dropped. They were shooting at the glass dome. The hissing of the water was stabbing her ears, and the timer on her life had begun counting down.

Sandy looked around for something to untie her, she was an inventor, she could solve this. She was bound and gagged, tied to a chair with her hands behind her. Her feet, well enough were tied together, but not to the chair. She didn't know how long she had before the water would inevitably drown her. Where was her helmet? The more she struggled the tighter the binds felt, slowly stabbing into her wrists. She was in her own bedroom, she strained her neck to look out of the tree hole and at the cracking dome.

The hissing grew as pieces of glass exploded from the bottom of her dome, the water was slowly filling it up. Sandy knew she would die here, she was certain of it.

9PM. Spongebob finished his first shift, his lunch break was really the highlight of his day. Squidward never ate with him, besides the fact the employee kitchen was a 2' by 2' broom closet with 2 chairs. They always sat in silence, besides the crunching of food beneath their teeth. Squidward never made eye contact with Spongebob, but Spongebob constantly glared at Squidward though.

Lunch break over, Spongebob went back to the grind, and continued to stare at the back of Squidward's beautiful bald head. The night shift was always the easiest, that's why he prefered them. Less customers, less complaints, less work. God, he wondered, have I really changed that much? Krabs stumbled drunkenly into the room. "SpongbobINeedYouTo" He began to cough from talking so fast. Krabs was clearly high on, according to under his nose, coke. "CleanUpASpillOutFront" Krabs had lost all feeling after he blew all his money on mountains of coke. He now walks around a _shell_ of a man he was before.

"Already on it" Spongebob felt like death at that point, he had been working for a few straight hours already.

11:30PM. Sandy Cheeks had been using her legs to pick up the floating boat keys not too far from her. It was barely out of reach and the water was rising fast, it had reached the top of her tree, and at her shins. She was touching the keys with the tip of her boots, slowly dragging them towards her.

She finally gets a hold of the keys, and she angles them on her restraints. She held the keys between her boots and used the keys to cut the rope that bound her hands together. Her hands were eventually freed as the water splashes around her. It had to be at least half full by now, and the flow of water did not stop. She was quickly able to free herself once her hands were free, and she sprung into action now that she was able-bodied again.

 _Gotta find a way outta here…_ She whispers to herself. The hole in the top of the dome was sitting there, menacingly. If she didn't find a way out soon…

She'd die.

Her sanctuary would soon be gone. The place she had made those inventions, created nights she'd never forget with various men and women...and so much more.

There would be no sanctuary after tonight.

 _When I get outta here, they're all fucking dead…_ That was of course, if she didn't die too.

She had her suit and boots on, but could not find her bowl. She scrambled around the filling room, as the waterline grew higher in her tree. She would need hours to find a way out. Given her situation, she may not have hours.

Sandy felt the water pressing into her chest, her suit could only keep out so much water, once it reached her neck it would swell up like Mrs Puff after her morning yoga. She trudged through her bedroom for the exit, where was her god damn helmet? She felt pure adrenaline pushing through her veins, she was not thinking, she was in autopilot. Sandy was unable to take control of her body, she had the strong feeling in her heart of death.

The water was closing up to her neck, she had to swim now. She scrambled through the house, checking everywhere for her fucking helmet. Sandy felt a myriad of feelings, including fear, frustration, and strangely enough - content.

12:00AM. She didn't know what to do, she double checked - no triple checked her house, there's no extra oxygen helmets. The water sloshed in her tree, it was completely submerged in the salty sea. Sandy began to flee her home, but as she passed her kitchen she felt a tug. She glanced down, shit, her boot was stuck. Her right boot was wedged in the fridedoor. How? She did not know. She looked towards the exit of her treehouse, only a yard away. Her clunky boots would not budge from the refrigerator door's handle.

The average human can only hold their breath for 2 minutes, but sadly Sandy was a squirrell and could not hold her breath nearly as long. Over a minute had passed for Sandy to be absent of air. She bent down and hurriedly untied her shoes, sadly they were goth biker boots and they had roughly a hundred loops down her shin.

She felt herself get lighter, as her head felt dreamy. She was so close to gasping for air. Shit. Sandy looked down, shit. Sandy untied the wrong shoe on the wrong foot.

Sandy had to start again and slowly undo her other foot, tugging her clawed rodent foot swiftly out of her shoe. She lost her breath, it slowly floated upwards. She clawed her way up, and out of her tree.

Outside of the tree, what little oxygen remained in the top of her dome caressed her lungs, bringing her back from the brink. She could touch the ceiling of the dome, and the water was almost done filling up her home.

 _I'm going to die here_ was all that repeated in her head. It couldn't shake from her. Sandy began to hyperventilate in her last seconds of her life. The water flowing into the dome met the water that was already inside the dome. The different pressures of water finally collided. The extreme pressure of the water flowing in clashed so hardly with the water inside the dome it created a reverse vacuum and sucked Sandy out. The glass dome exploded, and the glass from it flew around in shards with such pressure it cut across rocks around her dome.

1AM. Sandy lost consciousness in the water, leaving her body floating through the ocean arbitrarily.


	4. No More Chances

Chapter 4: No More Chances.

The lights blurred Spongebob's vision, all sound was mixed together. He pushed his way through the crowd of fish circling Sandy's dome. The sirens decorated the sandy floor with shades of blue and red. Spongebob pushed past the yellow tape, cops ran after him but he paid no attention to them. Glass was decorated across all of Bikini Bottom, killing over a dozen innocent bystanders.

The police pulled Spongebob back, but Spongebob couldn't hear anything. The whole moment was a blur. Sandy Cheeks was nowhere to be seen, the police repeated the phra-ses 1W, 1210, and 1110. Spongebob's heart could no longer take the stress of another death, he was just a shell of the sponge he once was.

All he heard was the blending of the crowd yelling, demanding answers on what has happened to his dear friend.

"What happened?" Spongebob grunted. The cops ignored his pleas, and were going on about their jobs, trying to document what had happened to Sandy's dome. It was filled with water. Sandy couldn't breathe underwater without her suit. Was she gone?

Spongebob felt as if he couldn't breathe, and retracted from the crowd as they grew in their density. Sandy Cheeks was gone. He fell back behind a car and vomited. After that, the ground quickly met his face.

3pm.- Spongebob awoke in the hospital bed, an IV attached to his spaghetti arms. Saline was coursing through his veins, and his stomach felt like it had been assaulted. Before his eyes could even adjust to his eyes, the doctor walked into the room.

"Finally awake, huh Spongebob? I bet you're wondering what happened. Well, you suffered from a minor alcohol poisoning, and we had to pump your stomach." The doctor explained. Spongebob held his hand to his stomach, wincing at the pain he was in.

"We also found something on your liver and prostate." Spongebob's eyes widened. Could this be why he had felt especially sick lately? "We found masses on your liver and prostate, and they seem to be malignant. While you were passed out, we were able to perform a biopsy on these masses. They appear to be cancerous. I'm sorry, Spongebob Squarepants, but I'm afraid you have prostate cancer. I am so sorry."

Spongebob hunched over the bed and retched on the floor, and it had blood in it.

"Oh, god!" He moaned. So, this was how it was going to end for him. His friend dead, and the killer left unknown. His friend missing, her attackers left had no more chances, and his life would end with the truth forever in the shadows.

He left the hospital in zombie-like-state. The parking lot was full, but sadly he had to wait for the bus. He sat at the bus stop, numb. He sat down, and finally was hit with all the disparity that has defiled his life. Like a tidal wave it crashed into him, and Spongebob struck a smile. In his few moments of self contemplation he came to terms with his own mortality. So he was going to die? That's not so bad, he'd finally be free from his dreadful life. Just as he stood up the bus arrived. Spongebob sat in the back of the bus, and thought to himself. Today was a pretty good day.

That bus ride home was the happiest Spongebob had been in… well years. He was always too chicken for suicide, but now? Now he didn't have to work at his grinding job, or get up out of bed each morning only for his knees to hurt. Somehow, the thought of Spongebob's inevitable demise made the world just look a little bit nicer. He exited the bus and walked towards his house, only a few yards away. He passed Squidward's lot, and glanced at his flowers. Oddly enough, they looked just a little brighter today.

He entered his home, but quickly heard the scramble of slugs upstairs. "Gary?" He climbed the stairs with haste, but with no reply he only heard shuffling. "Gary I-" Spongebob opened the door to Gary's room, only to catch him - shellless. Worst of all, a slug was stuck in the window.

"Oh… Hi dad…." Gary pulled his bed sheets over his slimy body.

"Get out of that window RIGHT NOW!" Spongebob fumed, and pulled the slug out of the gaping window. "Gary… you are GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED!" He grabbed Gary's clothes and threw it at him, and then shut his eyes, trying to forget the thought of Gary's defenceless body.

"We weren't doing anything!" Gary yelled. The man slug looked over at Spongebob, who was pacing back and forth.

"Mr. Squarepants… I have something to tell you" The slug had a 5' o clock shadow and looked much too old for Gary.

"David don't!" Gary seemed ready to jump on him like a panther at that moment.

"I love your daughter-" David began to say, but Gary started to hit him, begging him to stop.

"We're pregnant." David yells. Gary began to sob violently, and Spongebob's mouth stood agape.

"Get out." Spongebob said calmly. He pointed to the door behind him, and the snails gazed beyond him at the door.

"What?" Questioned Gary.

"You heard me. Get out."

"No!"

"I will call the police if you don't go." Spongebob ran to Gary's pile of newspapers and tossed them out the window. He then lifts up Gary's entire dresser, filled with assorted colors and designs of shells, and shoves it through the window as well. It meets the sand outside with a crushing sound, and all the shells inside shattered.

"My shells!" Gary cried. As Gary sat sobbing, her significant other was already out the door, and started the boat waiting for Gary. She quickly left the pineapple, and disappeared into the horizon with the unknown snail that Spongebob had only just met.

With that, Spongebob had lost yet another person in his life due to his bitter temper, and poor habitual actions. How long would it be until he lost everyone he loved so dearly? Did he even have anyone left that he loved? He makes his daily trip to the liquor cabinet, and pops the cork of his favorite vodka, Greygoose. Straight from france. Although it has a consistency much alike to water, it was truly his nectar of life. It was the only thing that really got him through the day. With a sniff of the bottle, everything the doctors said to him came rushing back. His liver. His prostate. Malignant. He was to return next week and begin scheduling chemo.

How much more? How many more days?

After a swig from the bottle, the liquid burning his mouth and throat as it went down, he corked the bottle and returned it to the cabinet.

Squidward was just about returning home from work now. Since the ten years he had lost Patrick, Squidward had been the proud recipient of many employee of the month awards, raises, and general praise from the public for being so good at his job.

Spongebob on the contrary, had received nothing but pay docks. He sat on the floor of his bathroom, remembering what he had to do with Squidward just to receive money to make his rent for the month.

There was a knock at the door. Spongebob crawled down the stairs slowly, and eventually opened the door. He was met by a fish in an expensive looking suit, all with a scowl on his face.

"I am an official of the Clam Casino, and I am here regarding your account with us." The fish's face remained unchanged. Spongebob's heart sank. What could it possibly be now?

"Yes, what is it?" Replied Spongebob.

"You seem to be in quite the debt to our casino. You owe us a sum of ten thousand shells, which must be paid back at the end of this month in order to adhere to our strict policies regarding the keeping of our money, and debt to the casino. We hope you can cooperate with us, and we hope to see the money returned to us as soon as possible." The man bows his head, and turns around.

Shit. Not only did Spongebob have prostate cancer, but he was also in debt for ten thousand shells.

A man nearly manifested from the air, at least that was what it seemed to Spongebob.

"Hear ya need some money. Would you want to take a loan out?" Asked a shark. Ah. Now it made sense. This man was a loan shark. Literally.

The snarling look from the shark wasn't the most endearing to Spongebob, and actually made him quite uncomfortable.

"I can get you it. By tomorrow actually." The shark explained.

"Really? What do I have to do to get this money?"

"Nothing. It will be on your doorstep tomorrow. See you then."

The shark walked away as well. Although it was the middle of the day, Spongebob ran upstairs to go to sleep, in a cheap way to see that money faster.


	5. No Big Money, No Big Problems

Chapter 5: Big Money, Big Problems.

The money was on his doorstep when he woke up. Spongebob tore open the bag and was almost salivating over the beautiful money that he had just received. After this he could pay off his debt to the Clam Casino, all thanks to-

Who?

Who was that at his door last night? Spongebob had never seen him before in his life. His mind was in a haze due to his day...but the voice sounded...familiar. He was a loan shark, that much was true, but what was his name?

Spongebob left this question for another time as he made his way down to the Clam Casino to give the money to the clerks.

"The Casino thanks you for your diligence." Was all that they said to him. Spongebob glances at his watch leaving the casino, checking the time. It was time for another day at work.

Spongebob considered staying at the casino; who needs work when you're rich? He had a good deal left over after repaying his debt, perhaps he could spend a short while tripling his income.

And with that Spongebob spent the evening at the clam once more, losing all of the extra shells allotted to him. His addiction truly sucked all that was good from him. Spongebob felt like his steps were a lot heavier as he exited the clam, over 2 hours late for work. Little did he know, those two hours would change things drastically.

Spongebob entered the Krusty Krab with a sunken face, feeling worthless after losing almost a thousand clams. Squidward looked at Spongebob with shock, "You're late, where were you?"

"Gary had a thing" spongebob swiped his hat from the coat rack. He had just noticed this place was deserted. "Where is everyone?"

Squidward shook where he stood, when suddenly the kitchen door swings open, revealing the one and only... Sheldon J. Plankton.

"Hello Mr. Square... I was just leaving." Plankton had changed plenty in the last few years, he now sported a trendy mustache.

Squidward looked towards Spongebob, clearly distressed. Spongebob knew, that this was his time to shine.

Back a few years ago, Plankton proved himself to be all the more entrepreneurial than Krabs. Spongebob was still just an average square, and Patrick still mingled with the living.

The Chum Bucket was finally done for. An employee suffered third degree burns during a grease fire that started when he was frying chum. He was across the room at the time, but the fire manifested itself and travelled across the room to time. Grease fires spread in water, and it eventually burned the entire goddamn place down. He lost Karen in the fire, and now she only exists in the cloud drive that he set up for her. He never really did reactivate her after that. A reflection of what happened to them there would be too much.

After pretty much faking her death and losing his restaurant, Plankton received a hefty lump sum in insurance. Opening a restaurant was something that destroyed him. Everyone in Bikini Bottom was destroyed in some way in the past ten years. This was just one example of it. Plankton left town for a while, gave up on looking for Mr. Krab's secret recipe and went to find himself. Blow, weed, you name it. Everything just lead to more questions, and less answers for them.

Nearly at the end of his insurance money, a man approached him. Asked if he'd like to invest it. He trusted the complete stranger and gave him every last penny he had. It was a gamble, really, and his life depended on it. With the money, they opened a strip club called the Shell String, the only thing covering the fish there being shells. It made him more money than he ever imagined, more than he would make managing a shoddy restaurant. He came back from the brink, and made it better than ever before.

Plankton sat down at the chair closest to the door. "A vodka tonic, on the rocks" His eyes gleamed with not confidence - but arrogance. "and a Krabby Patty," Spongebob gasped. "Hold the pickles." Plankton pulled out a large wad of money and flipped through it.

"You know we can't serve you Sheldon." Spongebob said through the cook's peephole. Squidward seemed dissatisfied with the third wheel, hoping to spend quality time with Spongebob.

"My money is good here. I have no intention of stealing Krab's recipe." He lifted his hands, a sign of humility "No tricks." They hadn't seen Plankton in years, they assumed he had crawled in some hole and died.

"Krab's isn't here right now, I'm not going to make any decisions till he gets back." Spongebob shut the flap of the cook's peephole.

"You better get out." Squidward motioned.

"That's very hateful of you, Tennisballs" Plankton took out a piece of gum. "Let Mr. Squarepants know he's acquired some very powerful enemies" He tipped his head forward, "The family sends their regards."

Plankton turned around swiftly, and made his way to the door of the Krusty Krab.

"What was that all about?" Squidward asked, blushing at Spongebob.

"I don't know." Spongebob pondered.

Nothing of particular importance happened for the rest of the day, until Mr. Krabs got back from the errands he was running. It was friday, and that was payday. The Clam Casino was waiting for him. Spongebob left the Krusty Krab with haste, needing his fix on gambling and alcohol. He was able to cash his check at the bank, called the Central African Republic Franc Bank and started walking down the road towards the Clam Casino. It was conveniently placed down the city funded asphalt lane from the bank, almost too conveniently.

Making his way down the black slim path, he heard a rustle in the bushes of seaweed behind him.

"Is someone there?" Asked Spongebob. He stopped and was scanning the landscape around him. There was no one there. He kept walking down the road, the casino was just in site. The dopamine in Spongebob's brain would finally be flowing again, for once in his miserable life.

There was a shuffle again. Spongebob whipped out his switchblade that he's been carrying with him since the incident with Sandy. He hasn't had to use it...yet.

A crash came down onto his head, with a shattering crack that echoes throughout the environment around them. All Spongebob saw after that was black.

He woke up with a headache worse than any hangover that he ever had. He had one arm shackled to the wall behind him, and the other arm as well. His legs were tied together at his feet, and he couldn't move. Spongebob's eye was throbbing, someone had beaten him while he was unconscious. Torches were placed on either side of the stone wall, it was almost dungeon like. There was a wooden door straight across from Spongebob. He felt uneasy, nervous even. Who came after him? Why would someone do this to him?

There was a squishy, wet noise from behind the door. Spongebob's heart raced. Someone was coming. The sound got louder and louder, and then stopped. The door creaked open, and Spongebob didn't see anyone opening the door until he looked down.

It was Gary.


	6. No Mercy

Chapter 6: No Mercy.

Gary's eyes focused on Spongebob. "Hello Spongebob." Gary slithered through the bolted door, slamming it behind him. "It seems the tables have turned" He had a glare in his eye- Spongebob had a sense not to speak. "Notice your shackles are placed at each appendage. That is not an accident"

"Gary what are you are even saying?" Spongebob shouted.

"Mr Sponge, you're about to experience the most rigorous test of of your spongitude." He turned to a monitor, "Nerak", he pushed a series of buttons. "Start". The machine whirred and made a suction noise. "I've set the dial to 1, it goes to 5. Let's test your absorbency."

Spongebob pleaded, and cried but Gary fed off his tears. Water sprayed from the rooftops. Spongebob took every last drop of the water. Spongebob ballooned up, fatter than Mrs. Puff after her wife left her. Drops began to drip out of Spongebob's holes, splattering the neat concrete floor.

"We just waxed it!" Gary exclaimed. Spongebob was sweating, too full. "You look thirsty Spongey" He pushed a button, and another wave of water poured down. Spongebob couldn't breathe, his lungs were filled.

"Good… Good… You make a good sponge… But do you make a good cook?" Spongebob pulled at the chains of his feet.

"I'm a great frycook!" Water shot out of his lungs, into Gary's eye.

SCREE SCREEEEECH Gary shivered. "You've blinded my eye! You always ruin everything in my life!" Gary circled around, and pressed a button. Suddenly Spongebob felt hot, and not the normal hot he felt on a Saturday night. He felt a scalding sensation on his back. He was being cooked, like the innocent patties he murdered everyday. "Can't take the heat?" Gary's eyes locked with Mr. Square, malice erupted from his core. Spongebob was in pain, finally, but he did not feel complete.

"Would you like pickles with that?" He giggled, evilly. "This is what you get for being a horrible father - for being neglectant and a drunk!" He pressed another button, the dial was at 3 now. "You're the reason mom killed herself!" Gary screamed, "DO YOU LIKE BUBBLES SPONGEBOB?" A bubble enclosed spongebob, slowly shrinking.

"I can't breathe…. PLEASE Gary!" The bubble shrank and shrank, creating a plastic wrap around Spongebob. His chest felt constricted, he couldn't even wiggle, it felt like his whole body was being squeezed.

His gills felt like they were going to explode, and his body was showing it too. His face was turning from a light red to a dark purple. The world was fading in and out. Just before it was too late...the bubble popped.

"How do you like that? Does it feel good?" Gary chuckled.

"Aah." Was all Spongebob could force out of his voice box. He was choking now. Gary was smiling. Gary took out a cigarette and lit it.

"Now you're smoking? What about the baby?" Spongebob asked with one eye closed. It swelled so much he couldn't open it. Gary took a long drag before responding.

"I did what I had to. Just like you do." The smoke puffed out of his mouth in almost perfect shaped rings.

"Why...why are you doing this?" Spongebob pleaded. The body could only handle a certain threshold of stress, and he was reaching it. Not much time left…

"You kicked us out. Tossed us out on the street like we were garbage. David, my baby daddy tried to keep us together for as long as he could. Got shot after he tried to steal snail food. It didn't take long for the bullet that tore through his body to kill him. I guess in a way, you're my bullet." Gary said. He was crying. "No matter now. It's time I turned this thing up to 4."

A boatmobile descended from the ceiling. Its engine revved up, and started moving towards Spongebob. It was moving slowly, but it would hit him soon.

"You can't drive for shit. You're always crashing into shit, and this is the price you pay for that." Gary pressed a button and the boat revved up more, its speed increasing.

"Gary, no! It's gonna hit me! It's gonna hit me!" The boat pressed into his body, and he felt a crunch in his torso. The pain was almost unbearable...how could a living being do this to another?

"Oh god gary...please!" But Gary remained stoic.

"Five."

Two tubes appeared in the upper corner of the room across from him.

"This is where you will meet your end. The thing that was always going to destroy you from the start. The thing that destroyed _everything_." Gary explained. A low hum emanated from the tubes and the flow of a liquid followed soon after, pouring out a dark amber liquid. Alcohol. Spongebob had recently been diagnosed with liver and prostate cancer. Surely more alcohol would ruin this but...he would bask in it for just a while. The room was filling up now, and Gary had erected a platform for him and Nerak.

"Who...is Nerak?" Spongebob said, his voice faint.

"Oh...it is the reverse form of Karen, the wife of Plankton. Such a respectable business partner was able to find me a wife." He smirked. It was okay. Gary would live just fine without Spongebob. He had Plankton, who had untold riches. He had Narek, a computer wife alike to Karen. But Spongebob had no one. No one at all. He once had Sandy, but she met her bitter end, just like everyone else did. If only she were still around...maybe...just maybe he could be saved. Even if she was around, would she even make it in time? All this, without even mentioning Patrick. The one that started this downward spiral. Why did he have to die? Just for a second...Spongebob wished it was him in front of that knife, and not Patrick.

The knife, burrowing down towards Patrick's sternum, and opening it wide on the street. No one even did anything, either. They all just sat in indifference. Not wanting to intervene in fear of being involved with whoever that man was. Spongebob could remember his voice now, in the haze the alcohol was giving him. It was…

It was the same.

The same as the man who approached him at his house that one day. It felt like a regular day to Spongebob, breaking into his own home just so he could go to sleep...but that man...he couldn't see him, all he had was a voice to go off of. The voice was all he needed. The man who killed Patrick was behind him the whole time.

Spongebob gasped. It couldn't be over. It's never over.

"Gary! Stop. You're killing me." He pleaded once more.

"Oh Spongebob...that's the point. You ruined my life, so I'm going to ruin what's left of yours. That's the way the world works now. Sorry, but no mercy here." Gary responded.

"No...you don't understand...my time is running out anyway. I tested positive. Positive for cancer."

Gary turned the machine off.

"C-Cancer?" Gary gasped. He turned the machine off.

"What are we doing?" Nerak said in a robotic voice. "Turn the machine back on."

"No…" Gary whispered.

"The sponge must die." Nerak commanded. She rolled towards the machine to press the on button, but Gary pushed her into the pool of alcohol, shorting her out.

"This...can't be happening...no…" Gary said it over and over. "Sponge- Dad...I…I can't do it. I just can't…" Spongebob glanced up at Gary. "I always thought I'd be able to do it...but I can't. I just fucking _can't!_ After everything... _ **fuck!**_ " He was sobbing now. The alcohol in the room was draining, and all that was left on the ground was sponge blood and Nerak's now deceased computer. "I've always wanted you dead...and now that you're on the brink...I can't...after it all...I'm...going to miss you!" He yelled out, and descended from the platform. "I can't do this. I have to go."

No snail had moved faster than Gary at that moment. Spongebob was left alone to his thoughts, again, and the room was empty. Spongebob waited, for 3 days in that room. In his outbreak Gary had forgotten to untie him. Spongebob was left to think, and for those 72 hours, he had come to terms with what a piece of shit he was.

He was rescued, when a neighbor nearby smelled his BO- which was a mixture of hopps and cleaning solution. Gary didn't come home for months, Spongebob never asked where he went, but when he came home- they talked.

They sat down at their table, TV blinking in the background. "I've gotten clean- since we last met" Gary was silent, probably ashamed. Spongebob wore his nicest collar today, he'd been planning this day for ages now. "I don't expect you to come home right away…." He crossed his hands. "But I'm hoping you'll reconsider meeting me tomorrow." He wrote on a piece of paper. "I know you hate me. I also know, you don't hate me enough to kill me. I can work with this… Just please hear me out".

Gary left the pineapple, he called a cab prior. Spongebob clenched his pen, and waved and smiled as the car faded away. Spongebob turned back into his house, and cracked open a cold Frickers Liquor. He sat on his couch, and watched the calm static of his TV. He finished his beer, and walked to his bedroom. The floor was caked in broken glass bottles, and body parts. He threw it against the wall- glass sprayed the already ruined floor.

The glass around the house was something similar to what his organs felt like. He refused treatment from the hospital and took a hefty prescription of pain killers. It wasn't long now. With his end coming...there was only one more place to go. Back to his roots.

Spongebob had to visit his parents.


	7. No One Left

Chapter 7- No one left

It was a sunny day in Bikini Bottom, but the weather contradicted the town. It was all broken around the police station. About seven years back, things really turned to shit. Crime spiked, the mafia presence skyrocketed, and after that, the rest of the pieces fell into place. The mafia all but controlled the town, but that didn't mean justice was never served. Although the police station was corrupt, there were still duties that must be attended to.

One of those was Patrick's murder. It was one of the last cases they thoroughly pursued, and they had expended all their resources in doing so. It was Bikini Bottom's last case in its era of normalcy. It was ironic, even. The case was never closed, and the killer was never found.

It was morning, now. And a box lay on the ground in front of the station. On its side was the word EVIDENCE printed in bold red letters. It was unbeknownst to any bystander as to what was inside. It was for the police to decipher. A desk jockey had found the box, heading out for their smoke break.

They opened the box, and inside was gruesome. There was a clarinet, a gun, a knife, and the decayed bones of what had seemed to have belonged to a starfish, once. A shout erupted from the desk worker, the scent of the contents had been repugnant. A crowd gathered from inside the station, responding to her cries.

Oh, and evidence it was.

The taxi rolled up to Spongebob's parents' house. They were both still alive, even after the ten years, albeit they had never visited Spongebob. They had stayed in their own lane, letting their son fall to the ruins.

Spongebob shuffled up to the door, his black, run down shoes making a low squeak with every step. He reluctantly raised his hand to the door, going to knock. Every thought in his mind had begged him to just turn around and get back into the car, but his hand fell on the door, and behind it was his mother.

He felt her warm embrace once again, the tears soaked his collar. His father stood in the archway- in the distance. Spongebob looked at his dad, but he turned away and slammed the door. His mom took his hand and led him to the couch. "Are you using again?" She looked at him, tears welling.

"No! No I'm not here for money Mom" He slicked his nose back, like brushing his hair from his eyes. "I've changed!"

She looked at the bookshelf and no longer made eye contact with him. The room was dark, they hadn't much money for electricity. "Honey we both know that's not true"

"It is! I've been trying to reconnect with Gary-"

His mom looked at him. "You ruined that poor snails life" She loved Spongebob too much to hurt him. But it just broke her heart seeing that poor snail and what her bastard son had turned her into.

"I've been talking to Gary for 3 months now… He forgives me for my past sins." He looked at his mother's stagnant shell looming over them. His mother hadn't believed in television- only in Neptune The Lord and Savior.

Spongebob's mother left the room momentarily, leaving him to his thoughts. It had been so long. The house still smelled like liver spots and mothballs, but it was still home to him. The house he had grown up in. His mother quickly returned with a box. She set it down on the floor before him, and smiled.

"I found a bunch of your old toys!" She chuckled. Spongebob stared at her, mouth agape, jaw on the floor. His mother pulled out a baby toy, and his heart calmed.

"Do you remember this one?" She asked. He examined it. A stapler, it warmed Spongebob's heart. He had remembered his school days, running around stapling childrens fins to their chairs. The memories had faded away, but they had come back to him now. He smiled, for perhaps the first time in a while.

The next toy was a rattle. He had beat many kids with this rattle, and it had survived many battles of will, and battles of wit around the daycare. He had triumphed. Although, they were probably more successful than him now as adults. But he had one first, before all of them. And it was real to Spongebob. That was what mattered.

Tears started to flow from him.

She touched his face. "Your eyes." She squinted. "They're dead. Where has the shine gone Spongebob? Where did my little Bobby go?" Her tears cascaded down her face, quickly absorbed by her porous skin.

"He's right here Ma'" He stood up, and walked towards the bookshelf. The bookshelf was also shaped like a shell- to commemorate Neptune. Spongebob, was always a bit rebellious and worshipped Sky Lee- but that…. is another story. "Do you remember our trip to the lake?" He grabbed a picture book. "I always loved going because you and dad wouldn't fight."

"Please I don't want to talk about the lake." She covered her face, sobbing on the couch as he stood, flipping through pages.

"The boats came. They took Uncle Kush. We watched them drag away Grandma Jaxxon. You had the choice to save her or me remember? WELL? Was it worth it? Was it worth it for your drug-addict loser of a son?" Spongeboob stared at his mother, and dropped the book cold on the ground.

"Where's the love mother?" She burst another cry. Dad toddled in, wielding a gun.

"We don't have anything" He pointed it at Spongebob. His mom stood in front of the barrel.

"Please, please don't shoot him" she hugged her husband but he didn't lower the gun.

"I came here to tell you I've changed- but you just don't love me anymore do you?" He was covered in tears, he took a step towards the door.

"We don't want to see you here ever again" He coddled his mother, she didn't once look at Spongebob. Spongebob stared at his dad- beside the front door.

"I wish you live longer than your children" and he stormed out- never to see his parents again.

The taxi ride home gutted him. He was rejected by his parents, too. He really had No one left. The taxi driver probably wouldn't even care if he had jumped out of the taxi right now, in front of all this traffic…

Spongebob gripped the handle, his arms shaking.

He pulled the handle.

 _Click._

Damn it. Child lock was activated. Thwarted again. He would never actually be able to do it, but one can dream...He would have to wait for the cancer to take him. It was his last hope, and death was the only thing he had left.

Spongebob was jarred from his thoughts, his shell phone was ringing. It was a number that Spongebob had seen before, but could not recognize. He flipped up his shell phone.

"Hello?" There was a woman on the other side of the line.

"Hello Mr. Sponge. We have new information on the murder of Patrick Star. I think you should come down to the station, precinct nine. Come as soon as possible. Ask for Officer Debby." Said Officer Debooby. His heart was racing once again. New information on the murder of his best friend? The case was made cold three years ago, after sitting open for three years. But after all this time...new evidence?

It was something to be grateful for, truly. Most cases like these never get new evidence, and remain open forever. Luckily, he deviated outside of that norm.

"Driver. I need you to take me to Polyp Street in Bikini Bottom. And I need to get there, STAT!" He shouted. The driver looked behind him.

"You need to be somewhere important, huh?" He said. Spongebob nodded his head, and the driver put the pedal to the metal. The boat lurched forward, they were going nearly double the speed. "Then let's get you there." He whispered.

The new evidence...Spongebob would see it soon.

The police station was nearly deserted when they pulled up, save for a few cops that had gotten the night shift. What a mess. The parking lot was empty, and the taxi driver pulled into the parking lot. Spongebob gave the man his money, and the boat sputtered off.

Suddenly, a police boat swerved in front of the police station, and met a brisk stop. Out of the car were two police officers, and in the back was a familiar face. He was taken out of the car in tentacle cuffs. It was Squidward.

"I didn't kill him! This is bullshit! I didn't do shit!" Squidward was having a tantrum in front of the police station. Who was he talking about killing?

The realization hit him like a truck.

The new evidence.

Squidward being arrested.

Squidward killed Patrick.


	8. No More Truth

Chapter 8- No More Truth

The chaos of the night unraveled around Spongebob. Squidward was losing his shit, quite literally too. He was hootin and hollerin' in the officer's arms, but they persisted to hold him down.

"I didn't do it! You have no evidence!" Squidward was repeating, as if it were a mantra. "I didn't do it! You have no evidence!" He said again as he was thrown to the ground to the ground by the cop. Spongebob was confused, and stunned.

"What are you arresting him for?" Spongebob said, as Squidward was violently beaten. Officer Debby took off her cap, and looked at Spongebob.

"Squidward Q. Tennisballs, you are under arrest for the murder of Patrick Star" She looked over to him- withered on the ground like burnt takoyaki. Spongebob ignored Squidward's cries, 'no evidence'.

"Did…. did you kill him?" Squidward was scraped off the ground with a large spatula.

"I would never hurt you…" Squidward could barely say a peep, but those words. Those words caused a boiling in spongebob, he didn't say no. Spongebob cocked his fist- and finished Squiddy off in one punch.

"Now take him away" Spongebob wiped a tear from his eyes. "I never want to see him again" He slammed the pineapple door, shaking the ground in its fury.

* * *

"Officer Debra PfishBurg-Scalington-Chowderpham's report" Debby is driving as her voice narrates the scene. "I am heading to the assailant's residence to search for clues" She pulls up at the Squidward manor- lightning strikes in the distance.

"After a first impression- I was overwhelmed with the stench of cheese and desperation."

Debra steps through the kitchen, looking underneath each mug in his cabinet for clues.

"For the first 7 hours I searched the living room and I have found nothing" The house's darkness envelops her, she shines her flashlight at a door. "Until I opened the bolted shut door…."

* * *

"Squidward Q. Tennisballs, do you solemnly swear to speak the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth." The court was in session and Squidward was rocking neon orange.

"I do" He removed his tentacle from the bible. The judge tapped the gavel.

"Court is in session quiet down- now. The evidence against Mr. Tennisballs is overwhelming…" He looked over to the defendant. "But- it is true- we have no evidence of Squidward's clarinet usage." The prosecutor flipped his greasy hair back and stood up. He had a comb in his right hand and picked his teeth.

"People of the court. Today in this room we have no fish- we have a monster. I had my doubts...but it's so clear to me now…"

Debby put the pedal to the metal, and the boat sped up. The dark city was enchanting, buzzing with activity, although most of it was crime. She had to get there. There was new evidence, and this evidence would put the trial straight to the end. She slowed for the upcoming turn, and drifted into the next road. It was almost like Mario Kart, her tires were sparking with a blue light, and helped her go even faster. The courthouse was not far now…

"There is no doubt Squiddi Q. Tentacolo is guilty. The clarinet, bones, knife, and other assorted evidence is that clear. The proof is in the pudding!" Murmurs spread through the courtroom, and the judge slammed his gavel down onto the desk.

"That is enough! I will clear this courtroom if you don't stop it!" The judge screamed. The murmurs stopped, and Squidward's handsome lawyer began talking.

"Any claim that our kind sir, Squidward is guilty is simply unfounded." He spoke with such sophistication, a law student at the top of his class during his time, no doubt. "The clarinet is circumstantial, and the bones were clearly dug up from Patrick's grave, desecrating it."

The jury studied Squidward's lawyer, testing his honesty.

Could Squidward really be capable of murder?

The question lingered in the air like pasta on a wall.

* * *

Spongebob was forced to testify, as Squidward's close friend and coworker. He had spoken close to nothing with Squidward since his arrest. Spongebob sat alone in a back room waiting to testify. Doubts flooded his mind, he knew he was just going to say what he knew and nothing else. Squidward hadn't told Spongebob of any masterminded plan, but despite that he was still shaking with nerves. "Spongebob Spongegorb Squarepants, are you ready?" The officer shone a bright light in his face.

Spongebob began his testimony "The last time I saw Squidifer Q. Tentacleballs was Septober 1st, 20XX." He took a breath and looked at Squidward for the first time in a while. "When we made love under the mistletoe"

 _Gasps were heard through the courtroom._

"I first began my sexual relationship with Squidly in the Festivus of XX'" The judge made a disapproving nod. "When he had told me he planned to confess his love to Patrick-"

"Would you please proceed with your statement, and skip the redundancy that is your statement?"

Spongebob nodded at the judge. "I thought he was quite big at first, but once you're all stretched out-"

The judge made a bang with the gavel, "No no no" He shook his head again. "You're grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded!" And with that bit of rabid homophobia Spongebob was forcefully removed from the stand. "We are dismissing the evidence brought by Spongebob Spongegorb Squarepants on grounds of ickiness." He glanced at Officer Debby, "May the prosecution proceed?"

Spongebob was fuming with anger- how could they dismiss such important information! He now walked down the steps of the courthouse, struggling to get his brown leather jacket on. He was in a hurry- for once he was getting ready for a date.

A date with alcoholism.

* * *

The bouncer of the Clam Casino once again kicked out Spongegorb, as he was used to by now. He was wobbling to his taxi, unable to keep his hand straight to open the door. He collapsed on the ground- but not unconscious. He couldn't help but think of Squidward- perhaps being jealous of Patrick? Maybe he did want to kill him. The clarinet… The bones… The proof…

He picked himself up, and wobbled a different direction for once. He wobbled towards the truth.

* * *

Squidward Q. Tentacles sat quietly in his cell- happy actually. He was content with his newfound peace. A clank disturbed all that, when a guard insisted he exit the cell. He obediently followed, past all the jail cells, past the exit and now past- the interrogation room. Sadly for him, this was his stop. Officer Debby sat at an empty table with 2 chairs. The door was slammed behind him. Officer Debby smiles. "Welcome Squidathon, we have been awaiting you."

* * *

The cab ride was agonizing. Spongebob could taste something was not right, taste it like his favorite gin. The boat eventually surged to a stop, creaking all along the way. He had made it. He had made it to Tentacle Acres.

Tentacle Acres...was deserted. There was not a squid in sight. An eerie breeze blew between all the identical houses, but there was the faintest sound of a clarinet playing. Its tune tingled Spongeborg's ears. There was only Spongebob in this once populated town.

Spongebob turned a corner, closer to the sounds of the music, closer to the _truth._ It would soon be his. There lied a corruption in Bikini Bottom, and the judge instilled doubt in him. It was all too convenient for Squidward to take the fall...the circumstantial evidence, the bones, the homophobia.

But, instead of truth he found bodies. It was terrible. There was ink everywhere. He didn't know where the blood ended and the ink began. And in the middle, was Squilliam.

"Hello Spongebob. I was wondering when you were going to show up."


	9. No More Lies

Chapter 9: No More Lies

Squidward was sweating in the interrogation room, the air was stale and smelled of dirt. Officer Debra Pfishburg studied Squidward, her stare unrelenting. He had already been there for hours, he missed the scent of fresh air, he would even say he missed Spongebob.

"Now Squidward, I think we are going to need a confession out of you. It would make this painful trial go so much faster. Wouldn't it feel so good to just rip the band-aid off?" PfishBurg said. She pulled a chair out and sat on it backwards, her fins resting on the back of the chair.

"Officer Debby...I didn't do this!" Squidward pleaded, but it was no use. Debby was unconvinced, she sat there shaking her head.

"I'm afraid that won't do. With the new evidence that I found in your house that is being presented in court tomorrow, you're done." Debby said. She pulled a conch from her pocket. "There will also be _this_."

"What...is that?" Squidward said, his eyes widening. Debby chuckled.

"The final nail in your coffin." She said.

* * *

Squilliam Fancyson sat atop a pile of rotted squid hides. The melody of his clarinet filled spongebobs eyeballs with anticipation. "What are you doing here?" Spongebob stepped forward, squishing a tentacle beneath his feet.

"The same reason you're here." He continued to passionately blow his long stick. He looked dead on at Spongebob. "To enjoy the view," he gave a crazy cackle, revealing his teeth made of glorious tektite. Tektite Spongebob thought, a material only used by the mob.

"What do you know?" He rushed up to Squilliam, grabbed his clarinet, and smashed it.

"Tell me now!" He felt weak in the knees, he had forgotten all about the cancer. He stumbled, but Squilliam caught him before he fell.

"I know who killed Patrick." He still held Spongebob in his slimy arms, enveloping his body in his tentacles.

"Please… Tell me" Spongebob couldn't cease the crying. Squilliam released Spongebob from his icy grip. "It's a long story. It's all connected to the death of my people." The scenery had changed, they were in a camping tent telling ghost stories now. Squilliam shined his flashlight below his face, "long ago, my family was poor- we had blown all of our money on fancy ice statues… little did we know… they would melt."

* * *

Squidward's jaw dropped, but he quickly caught his bearings. "That is hardly admissible evidence!" Squidward pointed a tentacle in Debby's face, with a flashy yet limp wrist. "You'll never get a confession out of me." He laughed.

"Oh, I'll beg the contrary." She hissed. "Magic conch, are you admissible evidence?" She pulled the cord, and it slowly drew back into the conch with her response.

"Yes." Squidward sat aghast- this trial would be over so quickly with the magic conch.

"Oh, and another question. Did Squidward Q. Tentacles kill Patrick Star ten long years ago?"

"Yes."

Officer Debby flashed a killer smile.

* * *

"It was such a bitter winter, and we had no heat, especially since we were carving all those ice statues inside the house. We were so prosperous that one winter, we made enough money for one week of heat. Then the summer came, and so died all the ice statues along with the family business...but that was so long ago. We could have never seen it coming." Squilliam shuddered, thinking about those damned ice statues. "That was when I was a kid. I've come a long way, you see. Well, saw. I had so much money, and then the Bikini Bottom stock market crashed when all that crime spiked, and I lost everything. Once again, I was poor. But this time, I had no ice statues." Squilliam choked back tears- these terrible memories being freshly dug up after so long. "Time to get back on track…" Spongebob leaned in, he would finally be giving answers about Patrick's death. "So naturally I had to get a job." Or not.

"Um, Squilliam, can we get back to Patrick please? Sorry." Spongebob said.

"Oh yes, right. I'm sorry. There was no choice in the death of my people...it was them or me. And naturally I chose them. I was playing an honorary song on my trusty clarinet with the world's smallest violin as my backup percussion. They knew everyone at Tentacle Acres would rally for Squidward's innocence. He was one of their own at a time, and still part of their species."

"Wait, they? Who are they?" Spongebob pressed.

"So they had me kill them all. Every last one of them. Not one survivor." Squilliam cried once more. He cried and cried and cried, until his tears put out the campfire that was in front of them. "Back on track…so naturally after losing all my money, I had to find work."

Spongebob groaned. How long could this go on for? "They never spoke with me, they just barked orders at me...I did things I didn't want to for money...but I needed it." This took an interesting turn, and Spongebob leaned back in for the next part of his story. "So many things I didn't want to do...and they just kept escalating. Until this. This is my breaking point. I can't do this anymore." He sobbed, the droplets splattering on his flashlight. "I begged them, please, have anyone else do it…" He wiped his face, but his arm got tangled with another arm, and soon he became a pile of headphone wires. He gave up his struggle, and accepted a life vest of a knot around him, and continued. "They had my wife. She was 12 months pregnant… He wiped a single tear. That night I came in with over a pound of ricin. It was the anniversary of The Great Chili Festival, and so the town had gathered towards the center. No one saw me put it in their chili… I ruined the symbolic Chili Festival… and disgraced my ancestors. The children died first." Spongebob stopped Squilliam.

"I don't see how any of this is connected." Spongebob was eager for answers, but even more eager for a beer, or thirty.

"I'm getting to that, jeeze" Squilliam was still trying to untangle himself. "I was the only one left… I ran… I ran back to the job and told them I was done." He was done blinking for the day after the amount of tears he had shed. "I told them it was done… and they killed her. Right in front of me. I… don't remember the specifics of what happened next, but I escaped… and returned home. Can you untangle me now?"

"And so that's where we are." Spongebob said. Squilliam tried to reach out, but was unable.

"The mafia killed Patrick"

BOOM

Spongebob's ears couldn't stop ringing. There was ink everywhere, he was cold. His heart pounded rapidly, as the dust cleared. Squilliam's head was splattered across Spongebob's entire body. The blood filled the tent with a sharp smell of iron and ink. Spongebob rushed out of the tent, there was no one. He was utterly alone. His butt clenched, he walked onward. One of the mafia families killed his precious Patrick. Time to have his revenge.

* * *

It was nighttime when Spongebob got back to Bikini Bottom. For once, the town was quiet. It gave him an eerie feeling The police station was a beacon in the night, its outdoor lights illuminating the streets. It stood tall and confident in the bitter darkness. The darkness that Spongebob was all too familiar with. This dark isn't something to be afraid of, though. It is what's inside it.

Spongebob scanned the police station for that familiar face who has been with him every step of this nightmare. Officer Debra PfishBurg. She was running around the station with piles of papers, getting dates for arraignments, prison transfers, the usual workload.

Spongebob approached Debby's desk once she finally sat down.

"Um...Officer Debby?" Spongebob cowered in his words, but he got her attention. She had a pen in her hands, signing paperwork.

"What is it? I'm very busy here." She was the product of understaffment.

"I have new evidence on the Patrick Star case." He caught her by surprise, and her pen stopped its fluid movements. She looked up, and gave him her undivided attention.

"I have reason to believe the mafia was behind Patrick's death, not Squidward." Debby's jaw dropped. She kept her eyes on him while her fin reached for a piece of paper.

"Would you like to make a statement?" She asked.

Spongebob recited everything that Squilliam told him, from the ice sculptures to the juicy details around Patrick's death, the dead squid everything. And Debby was enthralled during the entire story.

"These are all made by Squilliam, yes?" Debby asked.

"Yes."

"Yeah, you know we suspected the mafia for a while, but we weren't able to track their existence down long enough to find them. Do you know where Squilliam is right now?" Debby's eyes widened in anticipation.

"Sorry to be the bearer of bad news Debby, but Squilliam is dead. That's why I'm here, too." Spongebob said.

"Dead? How did he die?" She shouted. It was just another murder on their hands, but a new case was a new case.

"He was shot. In the head. Sniper, I think." Spongebob twitched in pain, his insides felt like acid. "Ohh." He put his hands over his stomach, clenching his teeth.

Officer Debby shook her head.

"Oh, how terrible. I wonder which of the three families are behind this. Oh, dear. Are you feeling alright? You're sick, aren't you?" Spongebob nodded his head, he couldn't even make out words he was in so much pain.

"Do you need help? An ambulance? I'll take care of this, we're going to get to the bottom of this, I promise. You never know, this could exonerate Squidward. You've really given us a lot to think about here, Spongebob. Thank you." She rested a fin on his shoulder, but then he passed out in his chair.

* * *

Officer Debby walked outside to see the ambulance off. Spongebob did not wake up after he passed out, and they had to call for help. They were able to stabilize him at the scene, but he needed to be looked over at the hospital, they mentioned something about cancer to her, but she wasn't paying attention.

"Thanks for your help boys, he's a real V.I.P. around here." She smirked.

"Of course. You gonna call his family, or should we?" The paramedic asked, packing up his first aid kit, prepping for travel back to the hospital.

"I'll take care of it. Got a lot of things to do here anyway. Gonna be swamped for a while." Debby reassured the paramedic, who was making his way back to the driver's seat.

"Alright then. You have a good night, Officer Debby." The paramedic started the ambulance, and she tapped the back of the ambulance with her fin, and it was off.

It was going to be the beginning of a long night, and that much was clear to Debby. She had to start somewhere, so she begun with the statement Spongebob had made. She studied the page, carefully. He was getting close.

Officer Debby frowned as she ripped up the statement and threw it in the trash.

* * *

Squidward looked at the ground, he had been in this temporary holding cell for more than a temporary period of time. Suddenly his cell was opened, he was blinded instantly. He sat in the dark for so long, and so he was extra sensitive to the light. "I know what's in your little room, Mr. Tentacles. Behind that bolted door? I have to say… It makes me sick." Officer Debra Pfishburg shone a light into his sensitive eyes. Squidward said nothing. "People like you, just wander around all day, around normal fish." She kneeled down next to him. "You make me sick." He looked her in the eyes.

"What do you want?"

She laughed "what everyfish wants. A Mercedes Boat." She smiled widely. "I can't wait to show the court everything in your back room." She spit on the floor. "I just came here to ask you, why?"

He smiled. "Because of love Debby. Because of love."

* * *

Spongebob was in a haze, he was in an unfamiliar room plastered in white. "You're awake Mr. Squarepants, good." A seahorse dressed in a white labcoat kept a fin on Spongebob's shoulder. "We have your chart right here… I'm afraid it's spread. It's in your bloodstream now." Spongebob took a deep breath.

"How long do I have?" He looked at the seahorses cold eyes. "I need time… I'm not ready to die." He tried to get up, but couldn't gather the strength.

"It's hard to say… with your gangrene, syphilis, and lupus it's hard to determine." He turned to leave the room. "I suggest you make your peace."

Spongebob was wheeled out of the hospital once again, everytime he comes here the news gets worse. He wasn't satisfied with just filing that police report, he needed to do more, he needed to everything he could in the little time he had left. Spongebob clenched a prescription in hand, he had something to pick up before he could move onwards. The green cross shone above the large metal doors of the facility, Spongebob had never been to The Mollusk District. Next door was the famous, Hooks, a food and show place that he had heard great reviews from. As he entered the building, the smell overcame him. It was pungent, like a skunk. "How can we help you dude?" A fish with a goatee stood over a glass counter. "We got every kind of seaweed here imaginable, even purple seaweed.

"I have a prescription right here…" Spongebob handed the list to the stoner.

"Oh dude what'd you do to get this?" Spongebob looked visibly confused. "This right here specifically requests seaweed powder… we can't even sell this stuff off the shelf" Spongebob shifted his feet.

"It's for my cancer" The guy shut up and went to get his prescription. Spongebob anxiously looked around the room, it had an unusual amount of security cameras. The man returned.

"Well here you go, have a nice day man!" He smiled brightly, Spongebob was too focused on his new seaweed to notice the tektite plating over the man's teeth.

Spongebob took out his portable mirror and razor blade. He splashed the powder out on the mirror and packed a few lines of pure, unadulterated seaweed. And so, he took the lines in his nose.

"Ohh yeah!" He shouted. The snorting gave him a rush at first, but then he mellowed out quickly. For the first time in a while, Spongebob felt a sense of euphoria. He looked around the street he was on, unable to break his smile. His head felt cloudy, and he felt as if he was going to float off the ground. "I feel better already." He whispered to himself. Medical seaweed had many untold benefits to the sick and dying, and luckily he fit right into that!

Then his vision began to blur around the streets, and he saw pink spots in his vision. "Uhoh…" He said, swaying his head around.

"You have to avenge me." Said the pink blob in front of him. Spongebob could barely make him out, but when he squinted he saw who it was. It was Patrick.

"Patrick! Buddy!" Spongebob tried to wrap his arms around Patrick, but his noodle arms just went through him, like he was a ghost. "I miss you so much, pal. My best friend…" Spongebob looked off into the distance.

"You're running out of time, Spongebob. You're the only one that's still looking for the person who killed me, and you are very close to death." Patrick frowned. "They're going to run free...while you're in the _ground."_ Patrick said, but then hugged Spongebob. "I miss you too."

"Oh Patrick...things haven't been the same without you...these past ten years-"

"I know, I know. Spongebob, you have to do this. There's no one else who can." Patrick explained. "You're gonna have to risk your life for this, are you ready for that?" He said.

"Yes." Said Spongebob definitively. He was ready for whatever road would be ahead He didn't have much time to begin with, anyway.

"You have to infiltrate the mafia. Become part of the family. Doesn't matter which one. Once you're in, you're in. Then you'll find some answers." Patrick began to fade away in Spongebob's eyes.

"Patrick, no! Please don't go!" Spongebob pleaded.

"I'll see you soon, Spongebob. Oh, and one more thing."

"Yeah buddy?"

"Trust no one." And just like that, he was gone.

* * *

Spongebob was on his knees, sobbing on the ground. He hadn't seen his friend in ten years, and one second he was there, and within another he was gone.

Later that night, Spongebob took a few more hits of the powdered seaweed, hoping to see Patrick again. He didn't see Patrick again, no matter how many hits he took.

Just then, he heard a knock at the door. Spongebob swiftly made his way to the door, it could be Patrick! He unbolted the door and threw it open. Behind it was a familiar face, with two buff fish holding baseball bats. Spongebob tried to remember who this was, but his memory wasn't what it used to be.

"We're lookin' for our money, Squarepants." Said the fish in the middle. Oh shit. Suddenly, Spongebob got flashbacks of all the threatening notes he got in the mail over the past few months. He ignored almost all mail after Gary attacked him, his house didn't feel like home, so why keep up with anything?

Forty thousand shells. In debt to the loan shark. "I… I don't have it" Spongebob cowered, a giant fish picked him up by his tie and threw him against the pineapple.

"You're a pretty brave sponge, you know that?" The small one in the back spoke up, he smelled of grease and Jen.

"I'm not trying to be- I- I can explain!" The fish lowered him to the ground. "I had to pay my medical bills! Pay the Clam Casino!"

The small fish repeated Spongebob, but in a higher octave. "And what does that have to do with me?" He smiled.

"Please please! Don't kill me! I'll do anything!"

All 3 fish began laughing. "Do you know we hear that every fuckin' day?" He looked over at the one who carried Spongebob before. "Break his windows"

SMASH. SMASH.

"I-I-I" Spongebob sniffled. "I mean it! I'll do your grunt work- I'll lift b-" They stopped him.

"Now. That's what I wanted to hear." He signaled towards the buff-fish, "get in the van. You start today."

It was that easy. Spongebob smirked to himself. He was in the mafia, didn't know which family, but that didn't matter. He was in. And so the answers would come. And soon after that, his sweet revenge on the people that did this to Patrick. He could taste the blood already.


	10. No More Cannolis

A/N: With this chapter, my co-writer rachel and I are going to switch gears and focus on Clementine's Ascension again. Don't despair though! There probably won't be a gap bigger between chapters than there was for this one.

* * *

Chapter 10- No More Cannolis

Spongebob sat in the back of the van, his chest aching. Each flash of the streetlights that came through the small windows in the van dug deeper into his pit of agitation. It creaked onward down the road, heading towards some Headquarters hidden in Bikini Bottom. They began on the main roads, but soon began to veer off into some ancient bowels in the city. That was when the sack went over his head.

"Hey! What are you doing!" Spongebob protested, the sack tightening around his body.

"We don't want you to see any shit on how to get to HQ. Understand?" Said a fish with a thick Mediterranean accent. He was inside the van, waiting for the fish that took Spongebob to finish the job. "We're taking you to your first test."

The van eventually stopped, and Spongebob lurched forward. The sack slid off his head, and he found himself in front of a massive building, in the shape of a treasure chest. Suspicious looking fish slithered in and out of the doors, black sunglasses covering their faces.

"This the place? How come I've never seen it before?" Spongebob questioned.

"It's well hidden." Mediterranean guy said, pushing Spongebob out of the van.

"What...what are you going to do to me?"

A chuckle erupted from him.

* * *

He was lead into a room, the walls were large planks of an aubrey stained wood. The center of the room had a sole table and chair set, a few fish sat there playing cards. Spongebob stepped forward, hoping they would take notice of him. The fish, and one sea cucumber. They were playing minecraft .2311.9 competitively. Their beige khaki colored pants matched the table, and all of their computers were facing against Spongebob.

"Delivery, ah come over here." The leopard painted fish sighed. Spongebob felt more at ease with the scenery, it didn't LOOK like a test. He moved next to the fish, taking glances at his screen. The fish grabbed his hand without breaking focus, and began nibbling on his fingers, and then POP he started slurping his arm like a noodle, dislodging the arm from its socket. Spongebob's arm regenerated, instantly the man grabbed his arms like tissues out of a box. The pulling sensation made spongebob feel slight vertigo, but oddly enough, he was aroused. Eventually the two fish were devouring his arms, like never ending spaghetti they slurped and slurped but never chewed.

"Please… How much longer…" Spongebob was taken aback by the constant snacking. Then, the sea cucumber spoke.

"Let me try," the two fish stopped eating immediately. Spongebob glanced at the thing, erect and proud. His eyes had bags underneath, but his lips were as glossy as their computer screens.

The sea cucumber took out his tupperware that he had in his briefcase, and began to fill them with Spongebob's noodle arms.

"I've got a family barbecue this weekend. This will do great in my noodle salad!" He said enthusiastically.

Spongebob moaned and grunted in pain as more noodle arms were taken from him. He had just about reached his limit when the sea cucumber finally stopped. The room spun around him, merging into an intelligible blur.

"You've passed the first test." The Mediterranean fish said. "I'm Cyrus. Since you've passed the first test and lived, we can exchange names." He smiled, the gold ring on his left ear-fin reflected off the harsh lights in the room.

"Spongebob...Squarepants." Was all he could choke out before vomiting and passing out.

* * *

The tests weren't over until late. They never explained why these tests existed, whether they were an induction ceremony, or just weeding out the weak. Whatever it was, it was torture. Some sick game Cyrus was playing with him. A punishment of sorts for the amount of debt he had surmounted. It could be any of these reasons, all, or none. Spongebob managed to persevere given his worsening condition. Whenever it got too tough he would just focus on the repeated scene in his head, Patrick getting stabbed. It filled him with a searing anger to push on through the crime world, and find out who did this to him.

Spongebob sat in his bed, more beaten and battered than he usually was. He could feel himself dying, a small amount of suds leaked out of his temple holes. He stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours, flinching at every noise. Early 5 AM he was awoken, he only had 3 hours of sleep.

An octopus with a bad combover lead the way through the wooden clad hallways. For once in Spongebob's life he didn't like wood.

"We need you to clean Fenry's cage." He was shoved into a dark room, multiple locks were clicked. Fenry? A small scuttle was heard, approaching closer.

"I assume you're here to clean my cage." He said. Spongebob took small steps forward, hoping to adjust his eyes in the darkness. Jumpscared into his vision, the sea cucumber appeared.

"SCREEEEEEEEEECH" it stuck out it's tongue and it seized in place. Fenry spat something at him, more and more, they seemed like solid chunks.

"What the hell?" He held out his tongue to identify the substance, tasted it like someone's bladder. He crunched down, it WAS someone's bladder. The cucumber was firing internal organs at him, Spongebob shielded himself with his noodle-arms. Spongebob looked at the camera,

"This defenseless-looking sea cucumber has a secret weapon. When under threat, it expels its own guts as sticky filaments that can tangle or injure its aggressor." He quickly looked back at the monster. It slithered away, frantically.

"Didn't I just watch you play Minecraft? Why are you attacking!?" He felt his way around the dark, but there was nothing he could grab. It was a big room.

"It's a fetch quest, silly! Collect my organs to move on." Said Fenry, hissing to Spongebob's left. He tried to turn towards the noise but Fenry was quick. He got on his knees, like he learned in boating school. And felt the ground like it was Patrick's sweet body, and frantically covered the area.

"Ah got one!" He exclaimed, "I found your heart!"

"Oh honey, you already had it." Fenry retorted.

* * *

Officer Debra-Pfishburg was sitting in her patrol car, enjoying a fresh coffee and doughnut. She opened the newspaper, titled _The Bikini Topic._ On the front page was a feature about how Patrick Star's case being reopened was a marvel or the perilous times of their city, and the police have actually made an effective arrest. She read the article, and smiled. It was all one big fucking lie.

Debby got into her personal car, a PT Cruiser, and changed into casual clothing. It was time to make her first report on this case. She stared out the windshield, focusing on the road, a stern look on her face. Officer Debra-Pfishburg wasn't just _on_ the case, but _in, around,_ and _under_ it.

Debby backed her PT cruiser into a parking spot at the local diner and got a booth. For two. It was a waiting game of sorts. She found herself again, sipping on a coffee, but this time with a glazed pastry.

 _He said he would make contact soon. Where the hell is he?_

She checked the time on her burner phone. 14:09. He was late. As she became increasingly disgruntled waiting, she was just about to get the check before he showed up. She had sucked down thirty cups of coffee before he showed up. He crept through the doorway donning a black and white suit, and slid into the booth across from Debby.

"Hello Larry." She said. He had a blank stare.

"Hello." He said. His carapace bulged out, he was even more fit than ten years ago. "How's everything going?"

"To plan. It should be over in a few days." She spat back, rolling her eyes.

Larry smiled. "Good. Be sure to make contact again soon." Larry said, sliding a bag of money under the table. It would be enough for rent. Maybe a little left to put towards savings.

Larry looked around the diner, his eyes scanning the area.

"Waitress!" He said. Her attention had been caught, and just by looking at Larry she was blushing.

"Y-yes sir?" She stuttered, admiring his study cephalothorax.

"Get me a cannoli." He commanded. His wish would be her command, all just by giving her a look

"I'm so sorry sir, but I'm afraid there are no more cannolis."

"No more cannolis, huh?" He let out a soft chuckle. "That's fine."

"Okay. If you need anything else, just let me know dadd- I mean sir." She said. She turned around, and began making her way to the kitchen while Larry drew his gun, and shot her in the back of the head from his seat.

The shot made Debby cover her ears. Her fins were pressed tightly against her head as the other fish in the diner scattered in terror.

"Larry! What the hell? Are you serious?" Debby exclaimed, her words traveling through the chaos in the diner. Tables were flipped, napkins were on the ceiling, fish were peeing on the floor, it was straight out of horror movie. Or Pulp Fiction.

All Larry did was smile.

"We should probably get out of here. Coppers are probably on their way." He kissed his gun and put it back into his pocket. He flexed his delicious muscles and stepped out of the diner.

"That crustacean…" Debby whispered to herself.


	11. No Fish Outta' Water

Chapter 11: No Fish Outta' Water

It had been a few days since Spongebob began his fetch quests for the mafia, but they had finally come to an end. Spongebob went to work for his new position, and after his plight, he was finally being inducted into the family.

"Hope this ceremony goes fast." Spongebob whispered to Fenry, taking a swig from is flask. Hard liquor inside. "Got a date today. In court."

"With any luck, it will." He chuckled to Spongebob.

Cyrus stood on top of the stage, in front of Spongebob, and the room was filled with empty chairs, where only a few fish sat in the crowd.

"...and on this Meptember afternoon, we formally introduce Spongebob Squarepants into the mafia." Cyrus finished his 15 minute long speech, and the fish that were in the crowd were wiping away their tears.

Spongebob stood from his chair at the back of the stage and lowered his head, allowing the Tektite medal to be placed over his body. It was heavier than he thought it would be, and he fingered the smooth black medal as its cold surface pressed into his spongy chest.

"But with this new fish in our family, we must follow tradition. And, I'm afraid you all know what that means."

Fenry gasped in the chair next to Spongebob.

"Oh no…I didn't think it was real..." Fenry said, covering his wormy mouth.

"The tradition? What's that?" Spongebob questioned.

"As you all know, in the Mafia Terms of Service V.601, it clearly states that for every hundredth induction in the mafia, we must sacrifice one member to our Sun God." Cyrus bellowed through the mic.

Murmurs spread through the small crowd, with many _Whats?_ And _Huhs?_

Cyrus frowned. "Didn't any of you read the Terms of Service?"

The crowd stayed silent.

"Goddamn it." Cyrus growled. "Fenry, please roll out The Bowl."

Fenry scrambled from his seat, and rolled out a giant bowl filled with tiny little papers inside of them.

"We are to pick one name from the bowl, and they shall be executed. Their blood will be harvested for our sun God." Cyrus bellowed. "This religious ceremony is imperative to retain our status as the top mafia family in the area. For every drop of blood the sun God receives, we will receive much more in return from them." Cyrus dug his hand into the bowl, and took a name out.

Cyrus looked at the name, and swallowed. "Fenry Cooterbottom." All eyes in the audience struck Fenry, still standing on the stage. "Bring out the fish fryer." A squad of mafia members, wearing ceremonial hoods wheeled out a giant pot of boiling oil. They also had a side of egg yolks, so the breadcrumbs would stick.

"Please!" The team of guards walked towards Fenry, ready to begin the fryening. "I have a wife! And 3 beautiful cucumberlings."

Cyrus held the slip of paper close to his body, "Let us all begin the ceremonial chant." A few heads turned, as no one knew the chant.

"No! I'm allergic to eggs!"

"They spelled your name wrong." Spongebob said. Everyone in the audience froze, including the guards on stage.

Cyrus looked shocked, and then clenched his fist, hiding the paper slip. "What? No, you're mistaken."

Spongebob had taken a few hits of seaweed earlier, and continued to speak regardless of any consequences. "No, they spelled it Crumblebottom not Cooterbottom."

Cyrus brought the slip near his face, but only glanced at it. "Oh. It seems you're right, a harmless mistake."

"It spelled the first name wrong too, Cyrus 'Little Tunny' Crumblebottom? Fenry isn't that hard to spell." Spongebob knew he was talking too much, but the words escaped him. He was just too damn excited about the ceremony- he had to have a little. "You can read right through the paper, see?"

The guards dropped Fenry.

Cyrus looked at the audience, and then back at Spongebob. "What? Are you high?" Spongebob was more than high though, he had raided the liquor cabinet and finished off all his bottles. The guards pushed Cyrus over, and took the slip from him.

"Cyrus...It's you…" Spongebob said. The crowd stood, mortified by the twist of events.

"You should get somethin' a little extra...just for lying." Fenry took out his gun, and put it to the side of Cyrus' head. "Get the tank."

"The tank? Oh god no, not the tank!" Cyrus pleaded, but it was no use. It was too late to stop the wheel once it began rolling.

A large glass tank was rolled out to the stage, for everyone to see. The room had began to fill up now, now that things were finally starting to get interesting to them.

The two guards pulled the door of the tank open, and a rush of air came out, sending massive bubbles shooting towards the ceiling.

"How dare you try to kill me? In order to save yourself? I'm discustard." Fenry dropped his friendly guise, and showed a sliver of his true colors. "You're gonna rot for this one."

"Anything but the tank...please don't put me in the tank!" The two guards pushed Cyrus into the tank, and he tripped into it. They sealed the door, and two distinct locking sounds were heard.

Fenry slithered over to the control panel, and began to calibrate the machine. Cyrus was banging on the glass with his two fins, but it was no use. They could not hear his screams, nor would they care if they could hear them. Fenry pulled a large lever, and a green button began to blink on the panel.

Fenry pressed the button.

And the water began to drain.

Cyrus began to panic, he was kneeling in the tank, trying to savor the water he could before his gills were exposed.

He didn't last long at all once they were though.

He thrashed through the tank, flopping around. He could not breathe at all. He choked, he screamed, and eventually the eyes rolled into the back of his head and he collapsed. He flopped a few more times, but did not move after that.

"Ha ha ha." Fenry Chuckled. "Just like a fish outta water."

Just then, the double doors in the back of the room burst open. Spongebob didn't see who was there until he looked at the ground.

It was Plankton.

* * *

Debra PfishBurg sat at her desk, the screen booping and beeping as the tetris game progressed. She had just reached level 19, which we all know is the level that increases the speed really fast, when her Apple Shell's screen cracked into a dozen or so pieces.

Officer Nancy Druid Scalington-Chowderpham had nabbed another perp, lunging him into her workspace area. "What gives, druid-fluid?" Debby said.

"At least I'm working, Debbie, what're you doing?" She was still cuffing the man, or bubble some would say.

"I'm sorting the files into um the back-up drive." Debbie closed the Shetris window (shell tetris), despite the screen being cracked to bits.

"When are you going to pull your head out of your ass and help out around here? Jeeze I've been so busy this is the first time we've got to talk in 11+1 chapters. I'm taking care of the current criminals, yet you're still here chasing that cold Star case. Don't you know when to give up? " Nancy was still struggling to contain Bubble Buddy, he spit towards Nancy's direction.  
"Get t'fuck off me, I didn' do nothing!" His voice cracked, and not in the cute way. The rest of the fish-officers continued filing through paperwork, never making eye contact with Nancy, who was doing all the real work.

"I found this one right here, drugged off the side of the beach, almost drifted off in the Goo Lagoon. Those nasty IV drugs are ruining Bikini Bottom." The cuffs were firmly fastened, she flipped the bubble-man around. "I saved your life, you hear me?"

Bubble Buddy just snarled, his face inches from hers. Debbie got up, taking a few files with her, "I'm off to do my job, just like you, right?" She gave a condescending smile, why she ever chose to work with her sister, was something not even she knew.

"Hey." Nancy said firmly. "People like me, are preventing fish like Helga from dying." Oh no, she said it. The rest of the office continued as normal, but they all were listening to the newest gossip. That's 80% of the reason they were hired too, office drama gets stale, precinct drama on the other hand, did not.

Debbie didn't say anything, her eyes only matched Nancy's, and then looked away. Off to continue some "work". Debra flicked down the visor of her beat up cop car, ready to do some policing. Well, some Debbie-styled policing. She glanced down at the manilla folder she kept in the passenger's seat, open to a large photo of Squidward Testicles.

* * *

Plankton walked into the room, his hands on his hips. He analyzed the situation. Cyrus was dead in the tank. Fenry was shaking with anger. And Spongebob was in the middle of it all, confused by everything that just happened.

"Plankton? What are you doing here?" Spongebob slurred., and the entire room burst into laughter.

"What am I doing here? Why, this is my family! My mafia! I'm the Godfather." He snickered, but then his smile faded. "You didn't know?"

"No." Spongebob said. His eyes began to droop, and the later stages of drunkness were beginning to take root.

Plankton bit his lip.

"No matter. I request you in my office. Come with me please." Plankton twirled his handlebar moustache he had been sporting since chapter 5.

Spongebob followed Plankton through the winding halls of the mafia HQ. The twists and turns made him dizzy, between the intoxication and the vertigo, along with the cancer that was growing within him. There were many doors, and if he were to ever find himself lost in them, he wouldn't be finding his way out.

They entered an elevator at the end of the hallway, and Plankton pressed the top floor.

"Excellent work on that rat Cyrus. He was beginning to get on my nerves, and his disposal today has changed things for the better." He said.

The elevator dinged at the top floor.

"Now, if you'd just follow me." Plankton said. He jumped, and put a key in a door just to the right of the elevator. The door reluctantly creaked open. "After you."

"Wow." Spongebob spat. "How high does this place go?"

"You'll see. Soon enough."

A large metal door met them, and on the other side was the roof of the Plankton Mafia's HQ.

The wind today was fierce and unrelenting. Spongebob's knees buckled, and he spread them in an attempt to not be blown over.

That was when Plankton drew his gun.

"Why are you here?" Plankton questioned.

"Wh-what do you mean?" Spongebob cried, he had found himself in yet another dangerous situation.

"You...joining my family. You've managed to weasel your way into my family within the matter of a week. I oversaw your approval just to get to the bottom of it. Why are you here? I won't ask again, so don't answer with another question." Plankton growled, shaking his gun at Spongebob.

"I-I-"

"Stutter again and you'll be stuttering your way right off the roof of this building." Plankton took a step towards Spongebob, who took a step back. "I want to hear it from you."

"I-I'm here for information!" Spongebob cried, he flinched from Plankton, who did not lower his gun.

"Just as I thought. I just so happen to have information, luckily for you. Just what you're looking for. But you're gonna have to prove you're loyal to me. Can you do that?" Plankton said.

Spongebob said nothing.

"CAN YOU DO THAT?" Plankton cocked his gun, ready to fire.

"YES! YES I CAN DO THAT!" He shouted, stumbling with his words.

"Good. Then, as you prove your loyalty to me I will reveal what I know. In time." The gun finally lowered. "For taking care of Cyrus, I'll give you a piece of the puzzle." Plankton stepped closer, close enough to whisper. "Patrick? He was whacked. And someone was paid to do it."

* * *

CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG- the metal door rushed open, blinding squidward in a haze of white. Squidward was alone in the dark for some time now, and was shocked by the presence of a fish.

"It's time for your court hearing Mr. Tentacles." An old fish held a clipboard, and 2 pairs of glasses. I guess for double the seeing power, "I'm going to need you to get dressed. Officer PfishBurg here doesn't have all day."

Emerging from the shadows, "Just call me Debbie." She locked eyes with the hardly dressed Squid.

"I'm indecent- give me a minute." He rushed over to get his signature brown shirt- allotted to him only for today, to look fancy in front of the court.

"Justice doesn't wait, Takoyaki." She dragged him out of his cell, regardless of his protests. The ride was long, and awkward. They had spoken before, but she had only ever been cold to him.

"I like what you did with your hair." Squidward crossed only 2 of his arms.  
"We don't need to talk while I drive." She glanced into the rearview mirror, seeing he was already looking directly at her. She looked away quickly, "You should plead guilty."

She felt Squidward's gaze, heavy on her peripheral vision. "Why do you say that?" The drive felt longer the necessary. Debbie just gazed out the window. "I'm innocent, you know." Debbie laughed, almost turning her head fully around.

"The courts will never believe that. Or at least no sane jury would. You're heading straight to the chair, you know that?" Squidward never stopped staring into that rearview mirror. "Bikini Bottom's biggest case is about to be solved, there's no way they'll go easy on you."

"Why do you care?" He looked out the window, they were passing the strip club. It brought no comfort for Squidward though, at least, not anymore. He looked back up at Debby, a lock of her hair broke from its bun.

"Because if you don't want to be on every news channel in The Pacific, you'll plead guilty and we can send you far far away." Her grip tightened on the wheel.

"I'm already on the news, hunty." He started to mess with the handcuffs behind his back, it was cutting into his tentacles.

"If you keep messing with those cuffs, I'm pulling over." She sped up slightly, they were only a mile or so away now. They had just passed Goo Lagoon and were approaching the run-down Walmart. Squidhard hadn't stopped messing with the cuffs though, he only made his moves more subtle.

"For someone who acts like such a badass, you're quite the sweet pea." Debby made no reaction. "I mean, why do you really care? Why do you keep bullying me in the interrogation room?" Squidward had felt he hit a sore spot.

She slammed on the brakes, twisting his arm upwards as he face planted into the front seat. "Because sometimes, the bad guys get away. Sometimes, they take people away and there's no justice. You're going down, and I'm going to make sure of it." She glanced at her photo of Helga in the dashboard. Squidward followed her eyes. He didn't know what the photo meant, but his perception of her changed. The car screeched to a halt. There were dozens of reporters flashing lights, a row of guards that were trying to keep a walking space. Debra turned back, towards Squidward. "When you get to heaven… say hi for me." She gave a look of insincerity, but worse of all cockiness.

"Go… suck a dick." He exited the car, a group of police fish escorted him past the reporters. They split like a coconut, allowing Squidward to squirm past. He had felt like a celebrity, not in anyway he thought he'd be a celebrity. It was something. He kept trying to think of things, anything but his immediate surroundings. He would lose his mind if he sat down and thought of the likelihood of his death.

"Mr. Tentacles did you kill your friend?" A reporter asked. Another flashing lightbulb

"Mr. Tentacles, any update on your rumored lover Spongebob Squarepants? He's gone off the grid after missing your last court date. Will he be back today?" Another lightbulb.

"Why did you kill Patrick Star?" Another. He could not take much more.

"Is Spongebob dead too?"

Squidward burst through the main entrance of the courthouse with his guards escorting him, his tentacles still handcuffed behind his back. Another day in court, with significant and new evidence being brought to the room, allegedly.

Squidward entered the courtroom, his head facing down. He saw a speck of yellow in the corner of his eye. He looked up, and saw Spongebob giving a stare that burned straight through him.

* * *

Spongebob sat in the courtroom, waiting for Squidward to walk through those doors. He had missed the last court date in his travels - and he made it a point to make it to this one. Spongebob sighed, and took a hit from his brand new seaweed wax pen. It took away the pains his condition gave him - without the icky smell of the seaweed. It tugged away at the pain...all of it. The seaweed was potentially prolonging his life.

The doors opened, and Spongebob looked up. Squidward had finally made it to the court. He couldn't take his eyes off Squidward, he couldn't get a read on whether he was guilty or not.

They were looking at each other now. For some reason, Spongebob remembered the kiss they had shared under the mistletoe once. Oh, how different things had been then.

If only those days were still around.

"Greetings everyone." The judge bellowed. "Let's get started. I have a golf game at 3. Squidward Q. Tentacolo, put your tentacle on this bible." Squidward put a hand on the bible. "Do you solemnly swear to tell truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you Björk?"

"I do."

The stage had finally set, and court was ready to begin.

"Your honor, we have new evidence to bring into the court that was recently uncovered by an officer of the law since our last meeting here. I'd like to call Officer Debra Pfishburg Scalington-Chowderpham to the bench today." The DA said. It was the same guy as last time, consistently dedicated to keeping Squidward behind bars.

"You may proceed."

Debby made her way to the bench, her face stern.

"Debby, you investigated the scene at Squidward Tentacles house just a few weeks ago, is that right?"

"Yes, it is."

The DA took out a remote control and pressed a button. The television behind him lit up with photos of a dark room.

"Was this the room you came to find behind a bolted shut door in Squidward Tentacles' home?"

The jury of sardines studied the television, along with the rest of the people sitting in the benches of the audience.

The room itself looked pretty normal, but that was quite the contrary. The room had a light oak desk in it, and it was covered in dozens of miscellaneous papers. As the DA scrolled through the images, it contained photos of Spongebob and Patrick in their glory days, a safe with a gun, fake passport, and money inside of it.

"These are some of the items that you and the forensics team were able to uncover that night, is that correct?"

Debby bit her lip. He was finally gonna go to jail.

"Yes. Yes it was."

"What type of documents were found inside such a suspicious looking room?"

"Objection! Speculation." Squidward's lawyer shouted, jumping at the first opportunity to call out the DA's misconduct.

"Sustained. The DA will keep to a strict line of questioning."

Officer Debby sighed. "Well, I found numerous types of documents. Bills, mortgage payments...an application and receipt." She said.

"Oh? An application and receipt?" The DA tip-finned around the floor. "Can you please elaborate further on your findings?"

"Well, during my first seven hours of the search on the house I found nothing but old McDonalds hamburger wrappers, empty Hot Pockets Boxes, and oh." Debby gagged. "So much Mountain Dew. I think I'm going to be sick." One of the court marshals swiftly approached Debby with a bucket so she could vomit in it. "I saw so many other things too. He had so many shells worth of My Little Pony figures, and so many scratched off ROBLOX Builder's Club cards."

Debby stopped herself.

"Oh, that's right. The application and receipt. Well, the application was for something very unorthodox. It was an application for death! To put a hit out on somebody, to be submitted to the local mafia. And a receipt for the application fee."

"May the jury know that the handwriting on the application has been analyzed by an expert, and they have determined that the handwriting and signature on the application are both in face by Squidward Tentacles." The DA scrolled past the photos of the My Little Pony figurines, and zoomed in on the application and receipt for the jury to study.

Spongebob studied it too. The receipt was paid in cash. $200. Processed and approved ten years ago. Spongebob had never been flooded with such doubt in his life. His neighbor...friend...could he have really done this? It lined up with what Plankton told him….

The evidence was beginning to pile up, and Squidward was beginning to find himself at the bottom of a deep, deep hole.

Squidward's lawyer stood up, ready for the counter argument.

"Officer Debby, you found the documents inside the bolted shut door of Squidward Tentacles, yes?" His lawyer, Jameson said.

"Yes, that is true."

"Yes, and did you notice anything in particular about the application found in Squidward's room?"

"No, I'm afraid I did not." Debby said into the microphone.

Jameson paced back and forth, as layers do. "I see something that should have been noticed a while ago." The sardine jury leaned in closer, as if Jameson was about to let them in on some sort of secret. "Squidward has the handwriting of a fifth grader."

The crowd gasped.

"Order! Order in the court!" The judge screamed, banging his gavel on the desk.

"What exactly does this mean you ask?" Jameson continued to pace as he got closer to his point, carefully stepping back and forth as the words found their flow from his mouth. "This is an extremely common form of handwriting - something that could easily be faked...or fabricated. It's uncertain whether the handwriting on the application was really from Squidward, since there is no real way to tell who actually scribed the document. There is no possible way my client could be guilty of such an atrocious crime." Jameson finally found his way back to his seat.

It was the DA's turn again.

"I understand there may be certain doubts about who may be the truthful author of that document, which is something I anticipated." The DA smirked, and took the infamous magic conch shell out of his pocket. "After we asked her if she was admissible evidence in front of the judge and she said yes, we have been able to use her in court since. She came in handy at the last court date, and now she's going to answer the question of the hour. Did Squidward write that document and take out a hit on Patrick Star ten years ago?"

The DA pulled the cord.

"Yes."

* * *

The brutal court date eventually drew to a close.

"I think the jury has enough to make a decision on the case. You may convene together and meet with a verdict as soon as possible. This court has been adjourned."

The room cleared, and everyone had eventually left the room.

Except for Spongebob. He couldn't move. There was too much going on, too many memories being dug up about his best friend. Patrick was struck down on that one awful day, and what was confusing then was even worse now.

Somebody could have taken a hit out on Patrick...it was now a possibility. There was also a possibility that no hit was taken out on Patrick, and it was all one big lie…

This was beginning to reopen old wounds.

Wounds that Spongebob had long forgotten about.

 _Daling Daling_

Spongebob took his shell phone out of his pocket.

"Hello?" He groaned. There was heavy breathing on the other end.

"It's me. Meet me on Coral Lane. I've got a job for you."


	12. No Love

Chapter 12- No Love

The cab rolled up to Coral Lane, and Spongebob got out of it. He threw the cab guy some money, and a little extra for a tip. Taking a quick look around, Spongebob noticed that he was alone. It was the middle of the day, and yet the entire street was deserted.

"What the…" Spongebob said.

" _Hey_." He heard a hiss from below, but there was no one there. " _Hey!"_ A bit louder, and the manhole in the road was shaking.

Oh. It was Fenry.

"Down here! Boss' got a job for us." It was an unconventional place to meet for sure, but there are times where everyfish does what they have to do. Spongebob made his descent into the manhole, and he found himself in a murky sewer.

"What are we doing down here?" Spongebob questioned, the deathly scent reached his half-cut nose. He fought back several gags.

"Like I said, boss has a job for us. Something big, I hear." Fenry whispered. "Game changing."

Spongebob's heartbeat rose. When Plankton told him that he would be going on jobs for him and the mafia, he never thought it would be this soon. Maybe Plankton was in a hurry, but that was just fine, he was too.

 _Flush_

A flushing sound echoed through the sewers, and a metal grate opened, pushing a small mass of water out from the ceiling.

 _Plop!_

Spongebob flinched, he didn't want to see what various...solids that other fish in Bikini Bottom were expelling. But, there was nothing in the water besides Plankton.

"Hello boys. Sorry about that, couldn't get the manhole open. Had to flush myself down a toilet." Plankton chuckled, wringing out his handlebar moustache. "Well, suppose we shouldn't waste any time. The rumors are true, I do got a job for ya. Interested in what I'm cooking up?"

A GUI popped up, and gave some information about the quest Plankton had given them.

 _(Level 30 recommended) We need your help! Plankton is calling for all hands on deck, and he specifically needs your help along with a few other friends (Co-op optional) to help obtain his goal! The job is rather secret, and Plankton will reveal it over time. But for now, a minimum level of 30 is recommended, with extra experience in the stealth, agility, and thieving skill trees._

 _Rewards: ?_

 _Do you accept? YES/NO_

Spongebob was flabbergasted reading the message from the GUI, but he pressed the big green "YES" almost immediately.

"Good to hear. Follow me, and bring some snacks. We're going on a ride." Plankton smiled.

* * *

Spongebob gazed out of the window. All mobsters drove PT cruisers, but spongebob had wished it wasn't such an ugly shade of green. Plankton's mob liked to dress, and own things the same shade as Plankton. Spongebob didn't ask why, but he always assumed it was so Plankton could avoid his natural predators, crabs. "Can you pass me a hit?" Fenry said.

Fenry was calmly looking out the opposite window of spongebob. "Uh yeah sure." Spongebob had wished in that moment he brought a different snack, maybe like Goldfish or Cheez Its. Fenry grabbed Spongebobs hand, and put the entirety of it in his mouth. Like a vacuum he sucked with such ferocity it dislocated his arm, only for it to be pulled off entirely. A series of arms regenerated and was fed into the cucumber's mouth.

"Fenry, puff puff pass." Plankton was in the front seat of the cruiser, not the driver of course. Spongebob extended his arm, allowing Plankton to slurp with ease.

"When are we going to get there?" Spongebob commented, he had hoped the snacking would end soon.

"Soon…" Plankton murmured, as he slurped some more arm-noodles. "We are approaching Speedo Falls, in maybe another mile or so." He looked down at his miniature watch, "and then we are going to get her back." He looked out of the window, as they all were right now. A single tear flew down his cheek.

"So what happened to her?" Spongebob's boldness made Plankton sneer. He turned around, looking back at Spongebob.

"She was… stolen from me." His eye glowed almost, just from the intensity of his emotions. "My Karen…" Fenry had stopped chewing out of respect. "I uploaded her to the ShellCloud… I intended on bringing her back... but…" His eye glowed a little more. "There was a hack." Plankton looked forward once more.

"The hack of 2014." Spongebob recalled all of his nude photos being leaked to the public, not that anyone wanted to see them.

"Yes…" No one said a word. They waited for Plankton to speak. "Which is why we are stealing a Mercedes Boat…" His eyes were focused on the road, glowing almost blindingly. "And we're going to shoot that bastard."

* * *

Squidward was still awaiting his final verdict. He had been alone in his cell for so long, he couldn't count the days. He had only been visited by one person, and not his lawyer. Debby Pfishburg was driving down the 1-10, straight towards Speedo Falls. She felt the water in her hair, the bubbles tickling the nape of her neck. She liked to browse the motorsports section of town, Bikini Bottom only had 1 dealership, owned by Mrs. Puff. The road was no longer bumpy, she was now gliding on pure 20 carat road. The lights of the city blinded her, but she was wealthy enough to afford Calcium Carbonate Aviators, straight from local oysters.

Debby stared off into the distance, transfixed on the wondrous buildings. Each one had a unique and modern design. It was one of the best reasons to come down to the Falls, the architecture. Some of them twisted slightly as they stood strong with needles on the top of the buildings, all attracting a different service from the satellites above. They shined in the lightness of the water, pristine glass reflecting onto her eyes. This was the place she called home most. The antithesis of Bikini Bottom.

The air was clean, too. Here she was actually able to fill her gills with water and open her operculum fully. In Bikini Bottom she would get a small high going if she even breathed too much at one time. This city had moved along to clean energy, using hydro turbines in the outskirts of the city. It was relaxing here. And clean.

She had now passed the neighborhood district, and was now approach The Main Current. Smack dab on the strip was her favorite store, Cars by Lars. It was directly adjacent to The Apple Store. Lars greeted her, "Debby!" He pointed at an antique Volkswagon Beetle. "We just got a new car in! Drives right above the surface, giving you a great view of the sky and keeps a fresh supply of salt water!" Lars was clearly extra sweaty at the moment, it was extra visible with him being a crab.

Debby laughed, "I'm here for a boat today Lars, my PT Cruiser is still running at top capacity." Lars opened up a lock on the backdoor.

"Stand back" Lars kicked the door down, it was already open but he had been pining for Debra's affection since he saw her. "Alright, no sweat, now what're you in the mood for?"

Debby pulled out a crumpled piece of paper from her pocket, "How about a new Mercedes Boat?" Lars gasped.

"Got a raise at the station?" Lars hands the keys to her.

"Something like that" she smiled as she got in. Debby examined the boat, rubbing her fins along the dashboard, and taking in that wonderful new boat smell. This was the one. "Oh yeah. Something just like that."

"Goes for about 1200 shells a month, considering the rates you could handle that we went over all that time ago." Lars smiled.

"Oh no dear. I plan on paying this in full." Debby said, transfixed on the beautiful boat. "Get in, Lars." Lars got in the passenger seat, and they both sat inside the boat, in silence.

"So...I've been thinking…" Lars said.

"Thinking? About what?" Debby questioned. Lars sat there in his seat, fumbling his fins together.

"About us."

"Not this again." Debby looked at him.

"What do you mean again? One date? You can afford this boat but you can't afford me that?"

"No. I'm sorry. It would just be too much."

Glass shattered in the background.

"Um...what was that?" Debby said.

Just then, the Mercedes boat right next to her sped off, straight through the window that was now broken.

"Oh SHIT! Someone's stealing one of my boats! Debby, go AFTER THEM!" Lars screamed.

She started the ignition right inside the building, and pulled forward. "Send me the bill, I'm taking this thing out NOW!" She drove through the wall and continued out towards the sunset, and after the perpetrators, heading back to Bikini Bottom.

* * *

Plankton pulled up to the back of the Mercedes boat dealership. Lars' Cars. One of the last places around that sells cars, and one of the only places Plankton would be able to get a clean car with no prior history to it. The perfect getaway car. This plan...this...heist...would have to be executed perfectly from here on out if he was going to get Karen back.

Once he finished some of the other setup missions, he would be able to get the team together for the heist finale. Karen's Rescue.

"Okay boys. I hope you know how to be quiet. Quiet as a mouse, or this is gonna get all fucked up." Plankton said. "The plan is simple. You two are gonna go in, hotwire the Mercedes Boat, and get the HELL outta there. Don't worry about hotwiring, Spongebob. Fenry is gonna walk you through it."

"Wait what? Why am I going to be hotwiring the car?" Spongebob hissed. Plankton rolled his eye.

"Because, you idiot, Fenry won't be able to hold the wires! He's a sea cucumber!"

"Then how did he hold the gun earlier today?" Spongebob said. Just then, Fenry pushed really hard, and grunted, and a small appendage grew from his side.

"See this? This can't hold wires and spark them together. Now stop being a little bitch and get with it" Fenry said.

"Anyways," Plankton said, "Once the boat is ready to go, I'll shatter the glass in the front of the dealership and you drive off into the sunset. We'll regroup at HQ."

"We ready to go?" Plankton asked.

"Hell yeah we are." Spongebob peeked into the back window of the dealership, but quickly ducked his head down.

"Goddamn it! There's already a cop in there. Are we busted?" Spongebob whimpered.

"What?" Plankton said, and jumped up onto the dashboard of the car they were in. "Oh, hell. It's that Officer Debby woman. What's she doing here? You're gonna have to sneak around them, like a stealth mission of sorts. You guys can do this. Now get on in there!"

"Debby!" Lars' smile permeated throughout the room. "We just got a new car in! Drives right above the surface, giving you a great view of the sky and keeps a fresh supply of salt water!" Spongebob could hear their mumbling in the next room. He looked over at Fenry, who was leading the way. They had just gotten the outer lock off, luckily Fenry had maxed out the thievery skill tree.

"Is that the boat?" Spongebob was amazed, he was only across the room but he could feel it's shiny glow. "Wow… that's prettier than any boat I've ever seen… I mean, driven." His eyes dashed around the room, but clearly Fenry wasn't even listening. "I'm here for a boat today Lars, my PT Cruiser is still running at top capacity." There was a muffled laughter in the next room, but Spongebob focused on keeping his footsteps quiet.

"Spongeee" Fenry whisipered. "PSSSSSST." Spongebob had stopped his tiptoeing.

"What?" He tried to keep his yelling to a whisper.

"We've got an obstacle up ahead, just stay behind me." Fenry scooted towards the boat, with Spongebob in line behind him. Spongebob was surprised though, the obstacle wasn't an obstacle at all. It was something he was born to do.

Up ahead was a 'Caution Do Not Slip' sign, right atop a puddle of oaky brown liquid. "Fenry- Fenry-" Spongebob had tried to stop the cucumber from crossing, but he heard the sound of a lock jingling from behind them. "They're coming!" Fenry turned around, right before the puddle. They were almost at the boat, but they didn't want to slip or get any icky stuff on their new green uniforms. Spongebob made a mad dash for the spill, sliding in its brown-ness. Fenry gasped, his suit was now ruined! The lock continued to jingle.

"Plankton is going to kill you! We just ordered these! Amazon's shipping takes forever to reach the Pacific." Spongebob looked determined, and unfazed. He began to suck and suck- and the brown liquid absorbed out of his suit and into his Sponginess.

Spongebob smirked, he was right. This wasn't a regular spill, this was a bourbon spill. One he was all too familiar with. Fenry dashed over the bravve sponge, and hid behind one of the less popular boats, specifically the Toyota Boat. "Stand back" a voice boomed. The door flung open, revealing two fish in the middle of a very business-like conversation. Spongebob was still laying next to the 'Caution Do Not Slip' sign, only now the spill was gone.

"Alright, no sweat, now what're you in the mood for?" A very greasy looking fish smiled, proud of his wares. "How about a new Mercedes Boat?"

"Got a raise at the station?" Lars asked, they were both turned around, and the both of them were focused on the other Mercedes boat on display. This was the time to go for it. Spongebob and Fenry slipped into the Mercedes boat right next to Debby and Lars, and ducked down under the wheel.

"Something like that." Spongebob popped open the wire board next to the wheel.

"Okay Sponge, don't mess this up. We only get one chance. Now, take out the wires."

"Oh yeah. Something just like that." Debby said in the background, while Spongebob took out the wires. There were many assorting wires of many different colors. There was one wire for almost every major color. Red, blue, yellow, green, purple, indigo, black, white, even peach!

"Just as I said. One chance. These are some of the hardest boats in all the ocean to hotwire. But I got this. You got this. We got this." Fenry whispered. "Undo the yellow wire." Spongebob followed the orders, and undid the yellow wire. "Now blue." Spongebob followed that as well. "Green. Red. Indigo." Wire after wire became undone, and Spongebob followed every order that was given.

Once every wire was undone, the real work began. Fenry instructed Spongebob to tie the wires in all different types of knots, sailors knots, shoe knots, knot knots, the list really went on.

"Fenry, I thought you said this was hard." Sponegbob said.

"That's not it. The hard part is now. Back in 20XX, the Mercedes Boat company petitioned the development team to create a failsafe in case any of their cars were stolen. When the new models started coming out, the cars were programmed to explode when started by wire. We learned that the hard way, and lost many members of our mafia. That was until I created a new method to bypass the trip to blow up the car, and it can only be done at this point. Look behind the wires."

Spongebob craned his neck further, and looked deep into the compartment next to the wheel. Behind it was a bomb.

"Oh my god. Is that-"

"Yes. People will do anything to protect what's theirs."

"Is this really the getaway car? Or is it for something else?"

All Fenry did was smirk.

"Disarm the bomb. It must be disarmed but we need to be able to use it still. See the wires on that one?" Fenry whispered. Red and blue. "You have to cut one. One wire disarms it, the other triggers it."

"Then how is that the hard part?"

Fenry chuckled.

"Oh Sponge. The wire that disarms the bomb is different in every boat. You're gonna have to guess."

"WHAT?" He said.

"Well I'm not gonna be responsible for killing us both! You're gonna do it." Fenry said.

"Oh hell…" Spongebob trailed off. It didn't really matter much anyway, since he was probably going to die soon anyway due to his illnesses. "Here goes nothing." Spongebob extended his pair of scissors into the compartment. One wire would give life. The other death. Spongebob felt his chest tighten, his body begin to shake, his breathing rise. Even if he was close to death anyway, he was still scared to die.

So scared.

 _Cut._

 _Click._

He did it. He disarmed the bomb.

"Nice job Sponge! Let's get the hell outta here. Connect the yellow wire to the green one and give it some gas!" Spongebob gave a thumbs up to Plankton, who was watching them the entire time. He swung a baseball bat at the glass, and it shattered everywhere. Shortly after, Spongebob and Fenry peeled off into the sunset.

"There's just one thing, Fenry."

"What's that?"

"I don't have my license."

* * *

Debby gripped the wheel, she was using the biggest of toes on the gas pedal. "Oh my god! Lars gripped the slightly open window of the mercedes boat. He had already thrown up in the back, and Debby was NOT having it.

"THIS IS MY JOB LARS!" Debby roared, her eyes never broke attention from the road. She had made several swerves, trying to not only keep up with Spongebob, but to spin him out.

"Oh no! Not West Speedo Falls!" Lars had only driven there once, but the anxiety was too much for him to visit again.

* * *

Spongebob turned left, right into West Speedo Falls. Fenry was glued to the back of his seat, Spongebob didn't know how to drive, let alone lose a cop. They had 5 flashing stars in the top right of their vision, soon the helicopters would come. Fenry's tough exterior took more of a backseat than he was (in the car.) "Sponge- now…" WOOSH ANOTHER LOOP DE LOOP. Spongebob was sweating bourbon profusely as they went 360', tight on the road. West Speedo Falls was known for their erratic ups and downs, but actual loop de loops on the road? This was worse than that substitute that made him crawl on his knees through that course, and then some weird sex stuff. "SPONGEBOb!" Fenry cried. "Take a left here!, and then right at the next speed boost!"

* * *

Debby pushed her fin down on the gas pedal as hard as she could, and kept a steady distance behind the perpetrators.

"I wonder who's behind this...can you see who is in that car?" Debby asked Lars, who was vomiting into a motion sickness bag.

"No...I can't." He choked out.

Debby kept a fine control of the car as it sped through all the loop de loops she came across, until there was a barricade in the middle of the road.

"Oh no! Lars, what do I do?" Debby shouted, and she watched Spongebob's boat jump, and fly straight over the barricade.

"Um...let me think! Oh, that's right! Press L3! On the steering wheel!" Debby scanned the steering wheel, which was filled with all sorts of levers, buttons, and even a keyboard. She squinted, hard, and finally found the button she was looking for. L3! She pressed the button, and she felt the boat's wheels push down on the ground, and then up again. Suddenly, she found herself suspended in the air. "Jesus CHRIST!" Lars screamed.

Debby watched as she saw the boat veer off to the left once again, and she sped off towards it.

* * *

Spongebob screeched to the left, almost losing control of the car.

"I don't think I can do this!" Spongebob shouted to Fenry, who was almost glued to the seat in absolute terror.

"Into the tunnel!" Fenry shouted, and Spongebob followed. They entered a tunnel, but instead of going down, it slowly started to go up. They were able to see through the tunnel as well, and as time passed they saw that they were higher and higher above the city.

"Dios mio…" Spongebob whispered, trying not to look down.

The tunnel was big and red, and had its twists and turns in every direction that was possible. Spongebob and Fenry found themselves upside down again and again, holding on for dear life. They ran over multiple speed boosters, and it significantly increased the speed of the boat.

"Wait...what's that?" Spongebob said. Shortly up ahead, there were four rotating boxes in the road.

"I don't know, look out!" Spongebob swerved out of the way, just barely missing the boxes in the road. However, Debby managed to hit one of them. Above her boat, a black box appeared and a bunch of items flashed before them almost like a slot machine. The black box finally froze and it showed a red shell inside of it.

Fenry looked behind them. "Sponge, look out! If she throws that red shell and it hits us, we're done for!

* * *

Debby grinned at her shell, all she needed now was the perfect opportunity to use it. "Don't throw up on me now Lars!" Lars looked at her, with slight annoyance.

"Please! Just try to drive on softer road!" He screeched, he was in love with her, but in that moment all he wanted was OUT.

"I'm launching the torpedos!" The tunnel was nearing its end, they had been driving almost vertically for over 3 minutes now. Just as they jumped from the tunnel's mouth, she hit the Y button! She slammed down on the steering wheel, launching the shell a bajillion miles per hour.

Mid air, they fell together, the red shell nearing Spongebob's bumper. BOOOOM Spongebob fell in a downward spiral, Debby falling at a much less steep angle.

* * *

"FENRY HANG On tight!" Fenry grabbed onto Spongebob, as they landed on Rainbow Road, and another large bOOOOM was heard. The little cloud turtle guy, lakitu, appeared from nowhere. He pulled out his large fishhook and retrieved Spongebob and Fenry's car. Their x3 lives were now down to x2, and Debby was down to a measly x1 life (for no apparent reason). Spongebob had some catching up to do, luckily, he found a nice juicy box up ahead.

"Grab that box! Maybe we can get some mushrooms!" Fenry was excited, his worry faded away as the air cut past their car.

"Really? I was thinking we'd avoid it." Spongebob's sarcasm was dryer than that bourbon! Fenry wasn't a fan though, as he pushed the steering wheel to the left, (with his awfully convenient arms that appear). They collided into the box, but they also slammed directly into the wall. BOOOOOOM, they exploded. x1 life now.

But, just ahead, Spongebob could see the faintest image of black and white checkers past the nearly blinding rainbow road. The finish line. "Fenry, look. We're almost outta here!" Fenry peered onward, and saw the finish line as well.

"Oh, Sponge, if you get us outta here the boss is gonna love you!" But, behind them, Debby pressed another button. A giant flame was shooting out the back of her car, and she was barreling straight towards them. The boat revved, and she inched closer and closer to Spongebob and Fenry.

"Oh no! She's gonna kill us! She's gonna fuckin kill us!" Fenry screamed, and took out his gun. He leaned out the window, and aimed at the boat. "I don't think so, bitch!" Fenry began shooting at Debby's boat, and the dings of the bullets ricocheting echoed through the air.

Just before the finish line, Spongebob was able to hit another item box. The slot began to move, and it eventually landed on a banana.

"She's gonna hit us, throw it!" Fenry commanded, and Spongebob pressed the letter Y harder than he ever thought he would, and the banana shot out the back of the boat, under Debby's front wheel.

She sped out, crashing, and drove right off the side of Rainbow Road.

"She's gone! You got her!" Fenry shouted. "Oh, thank god!" Fenry could not stop hyperventilating while Sponegbob stopped the boat.

"Ready to get back to Bikini Bottom?" Spongebob chuckled.

"I sure am." Fenry replied."

Spongebob started the boat again, and as they drove off into the sunset once more, Spongebob said, "Man, Speedo Falls is a weird place."

* * *

Debby and Lars were hurdling faster than that shell from a few pages ago. She tightened her muscles, preparing for impact. Lars's vomit from the back seat thrashed about the car. Debby reached for the x button, the G-force kept pushing her back. This fish had trained though, for many years in the police academy- she was born for this. She grabbed forward at the steering wheel, mashing the X button repeatedly. FLOOOOOOOP. The parachute emerged from the car, like the house in up, they floated to safety. The other Mercedes Boat drove away, leaving them behind in the dust.

As per the rules of West Speedo Falls, they had to leave their vehicle. Forever. "I can't believe you made me lose not 1, but 2 Mercedes boats!" Lars was happy that they stopped, but couldn't contain his rage from the loss of his investment. "Do you know how much these things cost? 1.7 million smackaroos, that's right." He spit on the floor, to get the taste of vomit out of his mouth. "AND 1.7 million smackaroos is like 4 grand, I could've bought so much hair gel!" He stormed around in a circle.

Debby was equally pissed, but not for the same reasons. "Money? Money?! That criminal was able to get away with my new Mercedes Boat! We only have one newest modeled Mercedes Boat, and I need it for police business!" She huffed. Lars was wiping his face clean, and had no shits to give anymore.

"You owe me for the boat you wrecked, or I'm not selling you anymore shamrock keychains!" This time he meant business.

"Ugh, put it on my tab with the rest of the boats I broke. I've got to get walking." Debby sighed. She had a very long walk back to the police station, why she never called an Uber, Lars didn't know.

"Alright toots, I'll see you when I get that next shipment in then." Diffused, he shook his head and started walking in the opposite direction, back towards East Speedo Falls, back away from the sunset.

* * *

Debby could not stop thinking about what had just happened...she had been saving for so long for a Mercedes boat...in honor of what she lost...so things could be just like they used to be. However, that was a pipe dream, and Debby just wished she had known that something like that had been as unrealistic as it was. Everything reminded her of Helga. Every single thing. She dragged her feet down the road for six hours, thinking about all that she had lost. And all she could lose. Strangely enough, she felt as if there wasn't much more she _could_ lose. Strange…

Debby arrived at the police station, in the middle of the night. Just in time for her favorite meal. Squid. She greeted all the other officers in her precinct, not that there were many left. The ones that didn't die on the job moved away for a better opportunity. But this town gave her much incentive to stay.

The clanking of the jail cell door sprung Squidward awake from his sleep.

"Hello." Squidward said, monotone. "Where's my lawyer?" He demanded. "I requested him so long ago, and he still hasn't arrived. Nor do I have any word on my verdict!" The jury had been out on Squidward for nearly a day.

Debby shrugged. "The legal system is a mysterious and vast infrastructure." Those words brought Squidward no peace.

"What are you doing here?" He looked at the blank wall. He felt a warm fin on his shoulder.

"I miss you." Debby replied. Squidward pulled away, her response was unexpected.

"Um, excuse me?" He asked. "I'm not interested. I have my eyes on someone else."

"Oh, Helga. Don't play hard to get with me." Debby seductively whispered into Squidward's ear.. Her eyes met his, he could sense her pain. Images of that someone jolted through Debby's mind, flashing images of them from the beginning to the very end. The bloody end.

"Debby, are you okay?" Squidward said. She was biting her lip, squeezing her eyes shut disallowing any tears to flow at that moment.

"No. I don't think I am. You remind me of her. So much of _her._ "

"Who? Who, Debby?"

Officer Debby glanced at Squidward, it was time she told someone. Anyone.

"Summer after high school when we first met...Helga Spaghetti Q. Squid-Ink was her name. It was rare to find a love like I did. We made out in her Mercedes Boat to radiohead. And on my eighteenth birthday we got matching tattoos." Debby choked up. Tears were already beginning to form "We would steal our parents liquor and climb to the roof. We would talk about our future, like we had a clue." Debby was sitting down now, a fin balled up, covering her mouth.

Squidward sat in awe at Debby's rhythmic, almost song-like storytelling.

"Oh Debby…" Squidward whispered. "What happened to her?"

Debby looked up, eyes red with tears, and took a picture of Helga out of her wallet. It was old and yellow, in black and white. The photo had been creased over multiple times, a large dent on the fold line. It had a few coffee rings and tear stains.

"Never thought that one day... that I'd be losing you…she was killed. Murdered. It's why I joined the force. The mafia took her from me. And I swore revenge on this crime ridden town." Debby choked up again. She ended up joining the people that took everything from her. Nothing else paid the bills, and she did what she had to.

She looked at Squidward differently that moment, they both felt it. He had a million thoughts race through his head, about Spongebob, about the world. Her head moved towards his, he thought about pulling back, and ending everything here. The more he thought the more time passed and his lips met hers. The taste of salt met his lips, she wasn't the same as kissing Spongebob… no he was squishier… less fishy. He had felt a spark he hadn't felt in years.

Just then the door flooded open, The Flying Dutchmen stood at the door proudly, he wore a clean black suit. "Am I interrupting anything?" They both shook their heads no. "I heard someone ordered a lawyer."

"Whose lawyer?" Squidward questioned. "Where's Jameson?"

"He's been filled with...other preoccupations." The Flying Dutchman gave an ear to ear smile. "I'll be representing you from here on out, free of charge." He was hired by a mysterious stranger, a change from the boring fish that served Squid before, he didn't argue though, The Dutchman had the reputation of a shark (but not actually). Squidward raised his tentacle. Debby stood up and wiped her uniform clean. "You are?"

She stuck out her finn, "Officer Deborah Pfishburg-Scalington-Chowderpham" He tipped his glasses down at her, and sized her up.

"No, you're actually 'not permitted to speak to my client until the trial ends' " He gestured for her to leave, which she did with a very embarrassed expression. She shut the door behind her, and pressed her hands up to her chest.

"Stockfish syndrome. Sheesh. The DA will be hearing about this. It tugs at a certain...conflict of interest." The Flying Dutchman whispered to himself.

Debby rushed across the building to her office and slammed the door shut. She hadn't done anything like that before. She was vulnerable. She was afraid. She was becoming _reckless._

Debby sat down, and looked at her photo of Helga, she traced her fin down the frame.

"In another life I would be your girl...happy birthday, Helga."

The plan would never work if she kept being stupid like this. She could not believe that she would let the story of her and Helga slip. The kiss with Squidward. What the hell happened? Such a mistake could not happen again. Saying too much would be deadly.


End file.
